(no subject)
i'm a little too crazy for friends but not crazy enough for fame. you have to be crazy for fame. i used to practice in my head the interviews i would give when i was famous but i wasn't sure yet what i was going to be famous for. maybe i could be a pinup star and wear polka dotted low cut pencil tight skirts with fucking ridiculous heels and i'll date marilyn manson or whoever's the next scandal. i'll be the envy of punk-chic girls everywhere with carefully chipped fingernail talons the perfect length for cutting glamorous coke because who doesn't want to be glamorous? you have to be crazy for glamour. but then again, whenever i wear red lipstick it just looks like i've been eating blood. maybe i'll write screenplays. i'll tell everyone that i've been possessed by james dean and they'll all believe me and i'll pout and smoke and cut my hair and wear all my jackets with the collar up and i'll write his autobiography for him and all the punk chic retro girls will swoon with their high heeled chuck taylors and their expensive leather jackets and they'll wonder whether or not it's fashionable to kiss me when they're drunk, or if the whole bi thing is out of style yet. maybe i'll be a singer, decidedly hardcore since i don't have much of a voice so instead i'll growl and snarl and pretend i don't wish that i was just an animal and i'll wear heavy combat boots and i'll kick crowd surfers off the stage because they've always pissed me off anyway. and i'll sing into a microphone like i'm going down on it and i'll wear baggy black shirts so no one can see my body and i'll grow my hair out over my eyes and all the punk chic girls who stay outside the pit will wish they were me but just a little less butch, you know? i could be an actress who's twiggy skinny with lip liner lips and long coltish legs and bug-eye sunglasses over my great big eyes so i'll look like i've seen thousands of famines when really i've just seen the bottom of a toilet bowl from the thousands of times that i'll throw it all up. i'll ride limos everywhere and make sure they're always stocked with pink champagne and in interviews my co-stars will say "oh she's so sweet, a lot of fun to work with" and i'll look shy and seductive on the silver screen and i'll do the risque scenes that 14 year old boys jerk off to and the punk chic girls will pretend to not know my name because they don't want people to know they read the tabloids. when i'm famous i'll drink straight whiskey or bourbon if i'm feeling classy and i get cocky when i'm drunk so i'll swagger and yell and my outrageous humor will charm all of them because my god have you ever seen a girl live like that? i'll die when i'm 27 because that's the right time but i'll go out good you know and no one will be able to take pictures of my body for morbid assholes to look up on the internet when i've been gone for 20 years and there will be a foundation in my name and a star on some sidewalk somewhere and i don't and i won't be forgotten.