(("For a second I wish the tide Would swallow every inch of this city"))
"and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cuz your afraid to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky
by now had crashed ...and it did, because of me?"
"then you bring me home
cuz we both know what it's like to be alone ..."
"oh god i miss you"
i didn't have a great night. i always have to come crashing down, huh? it's like gravity, i can go up, but i could never stay there. not now at least. i feel so impatient...but i just need to give myself more time. i hate this wait, it's so damn long. i've felt better the past few days, a lot more stable, but i guess i just need to finally get used to the flow of my moods...but who the hell deserves to go through this? whatever. I miss so many people...like what feels like only a yearly viset to laura, disconnection from danielle, everyone else everywhere else...
work was slow, frustrating and i felt out of it and like some waitresses didn't like me. i think it was a crappy night for a lot of people @ work, stressful and unexciting. and i appriciate emily's advice...
i hate the feeling of guilt. i just feel guilty for something i could be but i'm not. for doing certain things, treating people certain ways, on my trip of irritability and trying to sort out and controle depression...i'm sorry if i hurt anyone :-/ i just wish i could be... ... ....
And i miss the optomistic me...
slowly i'll gain certain things back....
cynthia's leaving for england tomorrow to viset the twins :-(
i'll miss her, and everything she's done for me lately....just more than i could ask for.
she helped me pick everything out for my new room, it will be beautiful, everything new, everything cordinated. some trippy lights and a hot tub outside my slidding glass doors to the porch. right in town, finally(kbunk).
i'm out. good night... (New Cellphone : 450-4325, write that down!)