breaking away from the expectation

[knew_no_fear]

I shouldn't be here. It's the thought that keeps entering into my mind when I walk through the doors of Wolfram & Hart. I should be in Rome with Dawn, where she's happily going to school and loving the attention the Italian boys are throwing all over her. I should be soaking up the attention of a very handsome very possibly evil guy that goes by

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[knew_no_fear]

I glance up into familiar blue eyes and my breath catches in my throat. Spike? Spike standing in front of me, Harmony saying his name like she can see him too and this isn't some freakish hallucination. Spike alive, alive, obviously for a while now if Harmony isn't utterly surprised by this development like I am. Standing here slack jawed.

Spike's alive. Not dust, not telling me I don't love him and knowing he's right. Not ...

I do the only thing that I could possibly do in this situation, I pull my fist back and punch him square in the jaw, sending him reeling back far enough to smack into some woman in a suit and go sprawling on the ground.

"You asshole! You're alive and no one else here seems surprised by that fact!"

I'm pissed off, fucking pissed off even and I'm seriously thinking about finding some kind of makeshift stake right here and now to show him what I think of him not contacting me to tell me he's not a pile of dust in the rubble of Sunnydale.

How dare he not tell me. Wait, This means Angel knows this too? He didn't ... Oh I'm not a happy slayer, I could scream. Or growl, Oh I am growling. I cross my arms over my chest protectively and watch as Harmony helps Spike up. I make no move to help him or apologize. He so deserves that and he knows it!

"An explination would be really nice, it will also help me decide weither or not you deserve more than just that punch in the jaw."

[got_the_spark]

Yea, of course she was surprised. Don’t blame the girl, it's not everyday you tell someone you love them to help ease their passing and figure you'll never see them again and then all of a sudden they are here and...OUCH. I went flying back into some lady as I felt her fist meet up with my fast.

Of course the stupid bint Harmony had to run to my side and help me up. "Don't need any help." I snap at her then took a good hard look at Buffy. "What the bloody hell was that for?" I rubbed my hand over the spot she hit.

I couldn't believe she just went and did that. "I save the world and that's the thanks I get" I mumble to myself. Of course she's mad that I didn't come find her, but you don't hitting people until you find out what happened.

"Hey now, I was a bit on the ghostly side for the longest time. One minute I'm 'bout to go out fighting the good fight and the next I'm standing in front of Angel in his office. Haunted the bleeding place driving Angel off the wall but then not so long ago just like that another package came and bam I'm back to being my good 'ol self."

How exactly was I going to explain the whole not telling her a thing. "Well you see " I paused for a moment "At first I was going to go out there and search for you, but then I realized I was stuck here at this damn place. Had some more thought about it and figured you'd do better not knowing I was back. Besides" I glanced at the ground "I had something from you that I didn't want to be taken back, my final memory of you. I knew if I found you, you would take it back."

[destructo_gal]

I didn't say anything, he could read my emotions too well and I wanted to hit him again for it. Asking why I hit him, like he didn't know. I may not be the smartest monkey in the barrell but I'm not an idiot. He'd been around, long enough to have gotten my number, hell Angel had my number. For that matter Angel had someone who checked up on me. I knew this, but Spike still didn't tell me.

He shrugged Harmony off and that gave me some sense of satisfaction. I wasn't jealous persay just confused to say the least. In more ways than one. It's not like I couldn't feel Angel somewhere in the this building. I wasn't prepared for this, not Spike. Anything but Spike.

He was a ghost? And then here? And Angel didn't tell me either. God, the men in my life really need a good ass kicking; I'll volunteer for the job, I'm sure Xander would love to sell tickets.

So he got a package and poof, all solid? I crossed my arms over my chest waiting for the rest of this convient explination. I raised my brow and waited.

"I had something from you that I didn't want to be taken back, my final memory of you. I knew if I found you, you would take it back."

I think my heart stopped. He thought I'd take it back? That I'd agree with him, tell him he was right and I didn't love him?

"Spike, I meant it. I wouldn't have taken it back."

His look was disbelieving, shocked and maybe happy? Now wait, don't jump too fast mister.

"I meant it, I do love you, I care, you're deep in here." I pressed my hand over my heart and sighed. "but that's it."

I wasn't going to explain further, I hadn't really meant to say that with Harmony standing right there glaring daggers at me. Buffy's heart to hearts were always pretty screwed up but this wasn't the time or the place. And I still wasn't prepared.