they taught you how to feel, but you just feel numb.
i spent my last day with jamie yesterday, it was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. we talked about what we were going to do, and we wanted different things, i wanted him back by november (specifically the 15th which would've been our one year anniversary), i guess it meant more to me. and he wants to come back in december. he kept going on about how time wasn't important and what if we celebrated it when he got back...but it's not the same. and i don't think i would feel the same about him knowing that it wasn't that important to him. we didn't want it to end, we just felt like we had no other choice, because he'd rather break up than come back a month early. it made me feel like i didn't matter...that we didn't matter. maybe we do, but just not enough right now. so right now, we're sort of in the middle, in the sense that we want to be together, but it's just too hard to try to be together right now. i'm not even sure if i'm single again.
but when i left his place, i gave him a bunch of letters that i wrote him and never ended up giving to him. i guess i just wanted him to have them finally. to just let him know how i've always felt about him. don't know if it'll make any difference, but he texted me saying that he cried the whole way through reading them, and that he felt like he's lost a part of him. i dunno what to think. i told him in the letters and in the reply to his text, that i'm here for him, but he has to want to be here for me too. it's not fair.
who knows what'll happen when he comes back, or if i'll meet someone else at uni. we'll see. i'm just trying to keep my mind off it, keep myself busy, because the minute i stop, i think about this all.
i feel numb.
but when i left his place, i gave him a bunch of letters that i wrote him and never ended up giving to him. i guess i just wanted him to have them finally. to just let him know how i've always felt about him. don't know if it'll make any difference, but he texted me saying that he cried the whole way through reading them, and that he felt like he's lost a part of him. i dunno what to think. i told him in the letters and in the reply to his text, that i'm here for him, but he has to want to be here for me too. it's not fair.
who knows what'll happen when he comes back, or if i'll meet someone else at uni. we'll see. i'm just trying to keep my mind off it, keep myself busy, because the minute i stop, i think about this all.
i feel numb.