(no subject)
i can bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch because i know nobody reads this so that makes it perfectly fine to say completely irrational things that don't make sense to anyone but this crazy bitch right here. fuck you guys. fuck those guys. fuck that guy. i will drink this pbr, then retreat to my room of doom to continue to wallow in my shitty misery that seems to be unpreventable. i can be okay monday. i can be high-spirited tuesday, but then for some reason i can feel like complete garbage by wednesday. it's a vicious cycle that has become my life. i am very concerned about myself to tell you the truth. but i feel like nothing can help at this point. drinking puts things into a different perspective but it doesn't take away the fact that we're all basically worthless anyway. we're all just empty matter that have the ability to think... an ability that allows us to torture ourselves. we're either self-condemning, self-righteous, or ignorant. i don't like any of those choices. ignorance is impossible.. unless you can shut off brain matter. i could write in a real journal but im basically attached to my computer... so why would i pick up a pen? fuck that shit. worthless. worthless. worthless. i'm pissed that i've turned into this person. i hate this person. this person is worthless. an affliction. this person is a rain cloud. i wish i could contain it. but, apparently i can't. i can't be normal for one fucking day. it just doesn't work. fuck livejournal. fuck myspace. fuck penises. fuck love. i can't forsee myself ever being okay with falling in love with anyone else ever again. i would like to think it's possible. but this shit is ridiculous. sometimes i wonder why i let myself ever feel this way, but when i do feel this way, i feel helpless... and i don't know how it got this bad so fast. and it's too frequent. for my own health. thats for fucking sure. this is the closest thing i have to therapy. too lazy for the real thing, obviously. fuck real journals. emotional vulnerability sucks. i want to be a rock.