(no subject)
Today seemed long, like i shouldnt have been at school at all. That old routine i abandoned for the past few weeks is back on my arse. Theres work to be done. Being back home makes your brain work in different ways to being away, some of them more taxing.I've spent most of the day in a daze. I think I was trying to commiserate myself with being back in Windsor, because I promised myself last night that I'd get up, go to school, and work on getting caught up. You know, that old "keep yourself busy, you'd best not think" drill.
Well I did get all my notes, and most of the homework done already, but it seems my answers have a more dream like quality which my incredable lack of sleep is to thank.
Note to self; live a little. It's so stupid to be anticipating
something and then when it comes along, you just don't want to go for it. Maybe my imagination is too finely tuned. The reality is a let down - who knows? Too often we strive for something more. I know i do. I push to hard, read into everything just a bit to much. Its but one of my many faluts. Consciencously or not, i do it. I spent 5 days only wanting to come home, missing that old routine. And here it is. Less reckless, less dangerous, not excitcing, or passionate. But old, boring, and seemingly familiar. Perhaps this is what ive got to look forward to. A messy bedroom, and a secret closet, where notes from old flames lay mocking me as i grab my unifrom day after day. Suited up and ready for success. Do i want whats expected of me? Is there more then this? Could happiness be a sell out? Why want what wont ever be yours?
"what happens in Florida, STAYS in Florida". So much for that. Rumours add spice. Its goofy to hear stories that you were actually apart of blown up all around you by people you KNOW werent there. (i.e. the creamof the band/choir geeks). But i did love it...I miss it. I miss how people where there. Its so much different then here. Why is that? Why did i have to miss out on everything?
Perhaps i should end before i over analyse everything. I'd best stop running my...well fingers i suppose. Thoughts are best kept inside were the dull, dark cell of ones mind can fade them away.
Well I did get all my notes, and most of the homework done already, but it seems my answers have a more dream like quality which my incredable lack of sleep is to thank.
Note to self; live a little. It's so stupid to be anticipating
something and then when it comes along, you just don't want to go for it. Maybe my imagination is too finely tuned. The reality is a let down - who knows? Too often we strive for something more. I know i do. I push to hard, read into everything just a bit to much. Its but one of my many faluts. Consciencously or not, i do it. I spent 5 days only wanting to come home, missing that old routine. And here it is. Less reckless, less dangerous, not excitcing, or passionate. But old, boring, and seemingly familiar. Perhaps this is what ive got to look forward to. A messy bedroom, and a secret closet, where notes from old flames lay mocking me as i grab my unifrom day after day. Suited up and ready for success. Do i want whats expected of me? Is there more then this? Could happiness be a sell out? Why want what wont ever be yours?
"what happens in Florida, STAYS in Florida". So much for that. Rumours add spice. Its goofy to hear stories that you were actually apart of blown up all around you by people you KNOW werent there. (i.e. the creamof the band/choir geeks). But i did love it...I miss it. I miss how people where there. Its so much different then here. Why is that? Why did i have to miss out on everything?
Perhaps i should end before i over analyse everything. I'd best stop running my...well fingers i suppose. Thoughts are best kept inside were the dull, dark cell of ones mind can fade them away.