Suffer
I was running full out, as fast as I could toward Joyce's house. The night air was cold. Well, colder than it should be in southern California. The wind whipped through my hair and was blowing so hard that it made it hard to breathe. I kept going though. I had to. I couldn't hesitate. Not again. I didn't even look back. I just had to get to everyone.
Who was I kidding though? I couldn't protect anyone. I was lucky. I had been in Angelus's grasp. He could have snapped my neck before I could flinch. But he didn't. They don't want to kill me. They want me to suffer.
And damnit, it was working.
I can't protect the Scoobies from them. B was right. I would never be good enough. I didn't have the training or the experience that she had. I'd never faced a vamp like Angelus before. I was inexperienced and weak. I had hesitated. That hesitation could have cost me my life. And I knew that. I knew it when I did it. Deep down, I knew that I couldn't protect them all. I would fail them like I'd failed everyone before. So in that second where I hesitated, I was welcoming death. It would be better than suffering through more of my failures.
I had finally made it back to the house. I came to a stop in the driveway and doubled over in pain. I fell to my knees. The pain from running full out for so long while hardly breathing. My lungs burned. My legs ached. I was in no shape for a battle. But it was night. Play time for vamps. I had to protect them tonight. We could lock ourselves in the house all night, but then they would just go kill others. I couldn't have that. But I knew I was no match for them.
Not both of them.
Probably not even one of them.
Get a grip Faith. You'll never be able to take them on in this condition. Self-loathing never got you anywhere.
I lifted my head and stood up, ignoring the pain, and walked up to the door and into the house.
Open to Giles and Joyce
Who was I kidding though? I couldn't protect anyone. I was lucky. I had been in Angelus's grasp. He could have snapped my neck before I could flinch. But he didn't. They don't want to kill me. They want me to suffer.
And damnit, it was working.
I can't protect the Scoobies from them. B was right. I would never be good enough. I didn't have the training or the experience that she had. I'd never faced a vamp like Angelus before. I was inexperienced and weak. I had hesitated. That hesitation could have cost me my life. And I knew that. I knew it when I did it. Deep down, I knew that I couldn't protect them all. I would fail them like I'd failed everyone before. So in that second where I hesitated, I was welcoming death. It would be better than suffering through more of my failures.
I had finally made it back to the house. I came to a stop in the driveway and doubled over in pain. I fell to my knees. The pain from running full out for so long while hardly breathing. My lungs burned. My legs ached. I was in no shape for a battle. But it was night. Play time for vamps. I had to protect them tonight. We could lock ourselves in the house all night, but then they would just go kill others. I couldn't have that. But I knew I was no match for them.
Not both of them.
Probably not even one of them.
Get a grip Faith. You'll never be able to take them on in this condition. Self-loathing never got you anywhere.
I lifted my head and stood up, ignoring the pain, and walked up to the door and into the house.
Open to Giles and Joyce