Back Burner
So I have had something that has pretty much bothered me my whole life .. that I dont really put out in the open but explains about 95% of my actions.
and that is the feeling of lack of imortance to everyone I care about and around me ... basically to the wolrd in general. My whole life I have felt like I am on the back burner .. not exactly important enough to be a priority to anyone.. my parents, friends nor many boyfriends I have had. I have craved this for as long as I can rememeber but still cant even get a taste of it. I have always put everyone else before myself and I guess one day I would like that in return. My friends for instance .. I have 3 really good friends that are girls. and when they dont have boyfriends its great we have a blast but when they do my life basically sucks. I feel like no matter how much I do for them I am still on the back burner.. as if thier boyfriends are way more omportant than I am.It as if I only get a phone call if thier bf is working, not in town, or currently in a fight. Now dont get me wrong I dont want them to spend all thier time with me and I am happy that they are happy... but I guess I am just a little geleous that when they boyfriends are around I am way less of a prioity and it sucks. I would never do that to any of them . I start getting invited to fewer family things and fun outings. I guess it wouldnt suck as much if my boyfriend ( not directing this to my current one ) did the same for me. I have never felt important enough to any of my boyfriends to be any sort of prioity as my friends are to their boyfriends. Even my own parents .. my sister, the dogs and thier own needs always came before mine... I was always last in line. and it just sucks when u feel like u are last in line to everyone you care about and surround yourself with.
I dont know maybe I am asking for to much. But no matter how many people I surround myself with I still feel lonely. I just want to be important to at least one person. I want to be loved and important enough to be a higher ranking priority. I think I at least deserve that ...! I know I shouldnt dwel on it and I try not to its just I am kind of sick of being patient I have waited long enough .. when is it my turn ?
and that is the feeling of lack of imortance to everyone I care about and around me ... basically to the wolrd in general. My whole life I have felt like I am on the back burner .. not exactly important enough to be a priority to anyone.. my parents, friends nor many boyfriends I have had. I have craved this for as long as I can rememeber but still cant even get a taste of it. I have always put everyone else before myself and I guess one day I would like that in return. My friends for instance .. I have 3 really good friends that are girls. and when they dont have boyfriends its great we have a blast but when they do my life basically sucks. I feel like no matter how much I do for them I am still on the back burner.. as if thier boyfriends are way more omportant than I am.It as if I only get a phone call if thier bf is working, not in town, or currently in a fight. Now dont get me wrong I dont want them to spend all thier time with me and I am happy that they are happy... but I guess I am just a little geleous that when they boyfriends are around I am way less of a prioity and it sucks. I would never do that to any of them . I start getting invited to fewer family things and fun outings. I guess it wouldnt suck as much if my boyfriend ( not directing this to my current one ) did the same for me. I have never felt important enough to any of my boyfriends to be any sort of prioity as my friends are to their boyfriends. Even my own parents .. my sister, the dogs and thier own needs always came before mine... I was always last in line. and it just sucks when u feel like u are last in line to everyone you care about and surround yourself with.
I dont know maybe I am asking for to much. But no matter how many people I surround myself with I still feel lonely. I just want to be important to at least one person. I want to be loved and important enough to be a higher ranking priority. I think I at least deserve that ...! I know I shouldnt dwel on it and I try not to its just I am kind of sick of being patient I have waited long enough .. when is it my turn ?