In which Brett becomes reacquainted with an old friend...

[_ernest]

Please forgive me for the crappiest lighting ever. It was late. I was watching Leno (i.e. waiting for Leno to shutup and Conan to come on).



Brett: Yo, sasquatch! I have a few complaints to file!
Lysa: Always so charming, Brett. Do they have to do with your little trip?



Brett: What? Oh, no! That was great! A little relaxation. A little pampering. A little learning how to disarm, fight, and kill.. No no no. What I want to talk to you about is...




Brett: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND INTERGALACTIC IS THAT ALIEN-HEADED FIEND DOING AT OUR EARTHLY ABODE?!?!
Lysa: But Brett, Ernest is your cous-



Ernest: Umm. I might have had a liiiiittle something to do with her abduction five years ago.



Brett: A little something?! A little something?!?!
Ernest: Okay okay okay okay okay. Calm down, Brett.



Ernest: Maaaybe we didn't get along while we were kids. And maaaybe I thought it'd be funny to hire a notorious alien gang to scare you a bit. And maaaybe I arranged for them to pick you up at an exact location, time, etc. And maaaybe I tricked you into being at said location at said time. And maaaybe things went overboard. And maaaybe you were stuck on another planet for five years. And maaaybe I never told anybody what happened or tried to get you back to protect my own skin. ...But we're family, Brett. Family forgives!



Brett (mumbling): I cannot believe this... mermmerrrremrmr... Set me up... meerrrfmfemeklajsf... Forgive?!... mmereridiotmeerrrmer...



Ernest: And I'm different now. I'm an alien hunter too. So...friends? Brett?



Brett (mumbling): ALIEN HUNTER?!... mermmerrrremrmr... Completely inadaquete... meerrrfmfemeklajsf... Embarrassment to the order... mmerermustdiemeerrrmer...



Ernest: Brett?



Brett: ...



Ernest: Brett???!?!!!



Lysa: BRETT!

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Brett: Now that that is taken care of... I would like to thank Brigitte and the Belles Demoiselles for taking me in, making me beautiful, and teaching me how to kick ass. I love you girls! I think I speak for us all when I say...



Brett: GET ME A NEW FRICKEN' WIG THAT ISN'T THE COLOR OF MARTIAN BARF! And a new chair that isn't so bumpy. And a decent photoshoot.



Brett: And some stellar alien fighting gear. And a laser gun. And a rocket ship. And world peace. And Johnny Depp. And...

Welcome home, Brett!