church and my state.
i have never hated the church more than i do now.
sure, ive always hated religion, but why? i was dragged to church for 13 years, i never understood why anyone would go there on their own, even for how young i was, i hated it with a passion. at about 13-14 years old, my parents stopped forcing me to go to church, i was so fucking happy. as ive grown older, i learned about the church's history (in AP euro mostly, which i failed), selling indulgences for anything so you could go to heaven. sure, killing someone and buying an "im sorry" slip of paper from the church makes everything OK.
ive never understood my aunt and uncle's family. they're what i like to call "psycho christians" they spent 2 years in africa on a mission trip trying to "save" people in africa. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THEM. LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANT. if they want to stay not christian, let them for fucks sake! i swore i'd never be like that or hang around people that were like that. then i met shannon, my girlfriend.
from the start she was different, which i liked. then i learned her parents were "psycho christians" but she didnt act that way, hell, she missed church every time she stayed on the weekends. i was wrong, never have i seen more brainwashing than i have seen in her.
shannnon will say she will spend the night, then leave in the middle of the night saying that she cant sleep, or she'll say "i might spend the night" and then say that she's tired and wants to sleep in her own bed because its more comfortable.
shannon believes that anything sexual is considered sex, even laying next to someone (in this case, me) is something that should be saved until marriage. but what the fuck makes marriage the savior of society, marriage doesnt mean shit. it means that its harder to break up with a person. something else that grinds my gears is the whole waiting for sex until marriage thing. what if you and your partner arent sexually compatible? what do you do then? divorce? or stay together and not be happy. FUCK BEFORE MARRIAGE FOR FUCKS SAKE. THIS ISNT THE 17th CENTURY ANYMOAR. but i digress. we talked tonight after dry humping for a bit, i asked to go down on her and she said "whats that?" so i explained it to her. she called it "giving head" but i explained to her that context is only true if its a girl going down on a guy (where is the head in a vagina?) she then went on to say that she would never sleep next to me (let alone cuddling with me while sleeping), she would never go down on me, and she would never give me and hand job. so i asked her if sex is the only thing she'll do, and she said yes. YES?! she considered all of the above sex!! good lord what has the church done to this poor girl??
ok, let me back up an hour or two, so we're dry humping and she says "do you have a condom?" i say that no i dont but my roommate john does. so she tells me to get the condom and put it in because she wants to know what it feels like. i tell her that what she is describing is indeed sex. its not sex to her though. after she tries to convince me a few more times i tell her no, because she'll regret it in the morning when she's sober. how come i can only talk to her when she's drunk? oh well thats another story...
its kind of a blur, but from what i remember im trying to convince her to let me go down on her and this is about the time where she puts her shirt back on and says that shes going to sleep in her own bed. i just kind of sit there stunned, and she leaves with her blanket and pillow (which she never leaves her room without every time she says that she'll spend the night) she says how shes really sorry and how its not about me, its about her, blah blah blah. she also said something about how i sleep with no shirt on, i told her that im willing to sleep with a shirt on for her, but that didnt seem to help my case, haha.
so she leaves and i sit there kinda like WTF, so i text john, who is exceedingly drunk and i tell him what happens. he calls me back and we talk about how i dont deserve this shit...which i dont. after we hang up i hear a knock on the door, i go get it and its shannon. she asks who was on the phone, and i tell her it was john. i assume she heard most of the conversation, but i dont know for sure. she asks what he said, and i told her the watered down version, im not a complete asshole...at least not to her. and we talked about everything, i basically spilled everything that was bothering me about her (thank you vodka) and she didnt flip out, holy shit! then we watched more lost and cuddled some more, i dont know if she felt bad for ditching me for the 3rd time or what, but hey, cuddling is what i want most. then the left for good, halfway through the season 1 finale. im only writing this because i have to wait for season 2 episode 1 to download. can anyone really sleep after being put through so much shit?
all in all, if she fucks me over one more time, i'm moving on. she said that we should take a break for a few days, i straight up told her that last time someone said that to me, what they really meant was they wanted to break up. i was young and stupid then, but now im not.
and sarah, if you ever read this, which i assume you will someday because i went browsing through your LJ about a month ago trying to find anything you wrote about me and laughing about it. (i enjoyed the sex poem, i tell everyone our sex sucked too.) feel free to laugh about this, because i am too. how are you doing by the way?
thus we must conclude that i hate the church 100 fold more than i did in the past. if i dont do anything else, i'll make sure shannon gets a through lesson on life and sex and what modern society deems as sex before im done with her. i really want to follow through next time when she asks if i have a condom (it would be the 3rd time if she asks again) but i know that would fuck her up pretty good, no pun intended. i could never do that, even if i hate what the church has done to her, i really care about her.
lost finished downloading, off to episode 2. sleep tight livejournal, i wont be sleeping tonight.
sure, ive always hated religion, but why? i was dragged to church for 13 years, i never understood why anyone would go there on their own, even for how young i was, i hated it with a passion. at about 13-14 years old, my parents stopped forcing me to go to church, i was so fucking happy. as ive grown older, i learned about the church's history (in AP euro mostly, which i failed), selling indulgences for anything so you could go to heaven. sure, killing someone and buying an "im sorry" slip of paper from the church makes everything OK.
ive never understood my aunt and uncle's family. they're what i like to call "psycho christians" they spent 2 years in africa on a mission trip trying to "save" people in africa. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THEM. LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANT. if they want to stay not christian, let them for fucks sake! i swore i'd never be like that or hang around people that were like that. then i met shannon, my girlfriend.
from the start she was different, which i liked. then i learned her parents were "psycho christians" but she didnt act that way, hell, she missed church every time she stayed on the weekends. i was wrong, never have i seen more brainwashing than i have seen in her.
shannnon will say she will spend the night, then leave in the middle of the night saying that she cant sleep, or she'll say "i might spend the night" and then say that she's tired and wants to sleep in her own bed because its more comfortable.
shannon believes that anything sexual is considered sex, even laying next to someone (in this case, me) is something that should be saved until marriage. but what the fuck makes marriage the savior of society, marriage doesnt mean shit. it means that its harder to break up with a person. something else that grinds my gears is the whole waiting for sex until marriage thing. what if you and your partner arent sexually compatible? what do you do then? divorce? or stay together and not be happy. FUCK BEFORE MARRIAGE FOR FUCKS SAKE. THIS ISNT THE 17th CENTURY ANYMOAR. but i digress. we talked tonight after dry humping for a bit, i asked to go down on her and she said "whats that?" so i explained it to her. she called it "giving head" but i explained to her that context is only true if its a girl going down on a guy (where is the head in a vagina?) she then went on to say that she would never sleep next to me (let alone cuddling with me while sleeping), she would never go down on me, and she would never give me and hand job. so i asked her if sex is the only thing she'll do, and she said yes. YES?! she considered all of the above sex!! good lord what has the church done to this poor girl??
ok, let me back up an hour or two, so we're dry humping and she says "do you have a condom?" i say that no i dont but my roommate john does. so she tells me to get the condom and put it in because she wants to know what it feels like. i tell her that what she is describing is indeed sex. its not sex to her though. after she tries to convince me a few more times i tell her no, because she'll regret it in the morning when she's sober. how come i can only talk to her when she's drunk? oh well thats another story...
its kind of a blur, but from what i remember im trying to convince her to let me go down on her and this is about the time where she puts her shirt back on and says that shes going to sleep in her own bed. i just kind of sit there stunned, and she leaves with her blanket and pillow (which she never leaves her room without every time she says that she'll spend the night) she says how shes really sorry and how its not about me, its about her, blah blah blah. she also said something about how i sleep with no shirt on, i told her that im willing to sleep with a shirt on for her, but that didnt seem to help my case, haha.
so she leaves and i sit there kinda like WTF, so i text john, who is exceedingly drunk and i tell him what happens. he calls me back and we talk about how i dont deserve this shit...which i dont. after we hang up i hear a knock on the door, i go get it and its shannon. she asks who was on the phone, and i tell her it was john. i assume she heard most of the conversation, but i dont know for sure. she asks what he said, and i told her the watered down version, im not a complete asshole...at least not to her. and we talked about everything, i basically spilled everything that was bothering me about her (thank you vodka) and she didnt flip out, holy shit! then we watched more lost and cuddled some more, i dont know if she felt bad for ditching me for the 3rd time or what, but hey, cuddling is what i want most. then the left for good, halfway through the season 1 finale. im only writing this because i have to wait for season 2 episode 1 to download. can anyone really sleep after being put through so much shit?
all in all, if she fucks me over one more time, i'm moving on. she said that we should take a break for a few days, i straight up told her that last time someone said that to me, what they really meant was they wanted to break up. i was young and stupid then, but now im not.
and sarah, if you ever read this, which i assume you will someday because i went browsing through your LJ about a month ago trying to find anything you wrote about me and laughing about it. (i enjoyed the sex poem, i tell everyone our sex sucked too.) feel free to laugh about this, because i am too. how are you doing by the way?
thus we must conclude that i hate the church 100 fold more than i did in the past. if i dont do anything else, i'll make sure shannon gets a through lesson on life and sex and what modern society deems as sex before im done with her. i really want to follow through next time when she asks if i have a condom (it would be the 3rd time if she asks again) but i know that would fuck her up pretty good, no pun intended. i could never do that, even if i hate what the church has done to her, i really care about her.
lost finished downloading, off to episode 2. sleep tight livejournal, i wont be sleeping tonight.