(no subject)

[_entwined]

Sometimes I feel mentally ill. I can't function as a human being without the attention & affection from the one I love. I feel like I need to check myself into a mental institution. I am more needy now than ever. I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old and I don't know how it happened. I have spent all of my fucking time reading books, researching, going through first hand experiences of relationship catastrophes and for what? For me to pace around my house like a zombie with a heavy heart simply because I don't know where you are? I wish I could be a strong, independant woman. I am not... I am dependant and needy and insecure and everything that is suicide for someone my age to be. To top it all off... I AM IN LOVE. SO FUCKING DEEP IN LOVE; it hurts. I have lost myself. I sleep, eat, breathe, taste, live YOU. I've never really had a stable relationship throughout the course of my life. Things are either shitty or amazing... there is never content blue sky. Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. There are things I seriously frown upon you doing but in a second, I would them myself. I just trust myself. I know that my love is way too strong and that i'd never hurt you... how come I don't feel the same way about you?

I'm not sure of my sanity right now. The only thing I am sure of is that I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. YOU ARE THE AIR I BREATHE. THERE IS NO ME WITHOUT YOU. THE ONLY TIME I EVER FEEL LIKE MYSELF IS IN YOUR PRESENCE. YOU HAVE MORE SANITY, MORE HEART, MORE SOUL, MORE MATURITY, MORE BEAUTY, MORE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PINKY FINGER THAN I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE BODY. I just hope you know that.

Shoot me.