CHANGE!
i never write in this anymore, because i think its pointless but sometimes i find the urge to get everything out, and at 8:00 am not many people are up, and by writing in here i am not forcing anyone to listen.
i think i will divide my life into parts because each part has fucking changed like i would never have imagined EVER. but change is always present, it is a question of a positive or negetive impact it is creating. for some reason i have never had permenant change it always goes back to how things used to be but for some reason i usually want it to go back, and now i dont think i do, except maybe a few things.
friends: i have lost a few and gained a few, gotten closer to some and more distant to others. my question is, is this a good thing. Sometimes i have to temporarily distance myself from somethings in order to help myself, as selfish as it was i feel it might be the first responsible move i made, but the responsibilty will be shown if this change i am making continues to happen to better myself. i miss you, you were and still are my best friend, at first i thought it was me distancing myself from you, and i did it for one main reason, i couldnt watch you anymore. i did it because i was upset and i needed to change but i knew i couldnt bring you with me as much as i wish i could, but you yell at me when all i try to do is protect you and i dont care because either way im here for you and either way wether we hangout everyday or once everyother week you are still my best friend. Now things have changed it seems your the one avoiding me, after school saying drop me off instead of want to do soemthing, or leaving when we get to panera, where i finally thought we were hangingout. but even when we dont hangout forever we still click better then anyone else i know. just be smart, please. ive gotten closer to some people who i hangout with a lot and i wouldnt change it for the world, i didnt expect this friendship to emerge but it did and im really happy! haha. i love all of my friends, i really do and im sorry if i ever make you think different!
i'm not sure what to do, i like you sooo much but i keep questioning a few things, maybe because you let me down maybe because i expect too much or maybe because im just pyschotic haha im really not sure but i hope it keeps working........i def have so much more to get out with this subject, but idk.
i was talkign to jen last night and i told her how i have this reoccuring dream
it starts with me at a party... and ends with me in the hospital.
one night it ended with something this pyschic told me, "you will end up in the hospital in the next few months" she mentioned something with why, but thats not important.
i dont really believe in pyschics i just went for fun, but the dream is really creeping me out
the other day i was driving and i kept seeing myself in the hospital too
i think its just a coincidence, or maybe it just means something else
all i know is if for somereason i do, someone show everyone this journal entry! hahaha
i cant imagine dying, because i have so much left to say. i really try to live each day to the fullest, tell everyone what i would want to tell them , and forgive easily because i wouldnt want the words fuck you to be my last to anyone.
always forgive easily, never forget completely. its a good theory i have, atleast i think so.
i'm trying to live by it now with a certain few.
sorry this was long, let me know if you actually read the whole thing, ill be kind of impressed.
i think i will divide my life into parts because each part has fucking changed like i would never have imagined EVER. but change is always present, it is a question of a positive or negetive impact it is creating. for some reason i have never had permenant change it always goes back to how things used to be but for some reason i usually want it to go back, and now i dont think i do, except maybe a few things.
friends: i have lost a few and gained a few, gotten closer to some and more distant to others. my question is, is this a good thing. Sometimes i have to temporarily distance myself from somethings in order to help myself, as selfish as it was i feel it might be the first responsible move i made, but the responsibilty will be shown if this change i am making continues to happen to better myself. i miss you, you were and still are my best friend, at first i thought it was me distancing myself from you, and i did it for one main reason, i couldnt watch you anymore. i did it because i was upset and i needed to change but i knew i couldnt bring you with me as much as i wish i could, but you yell at me when all i try to do is protect you and i dont care because either way im here for you and either way wether we hangout everyday or once everyother week you are still my best friend. Now things have changed it seems your the one avoiding me, after school saying drop me off instead of want to do soemthing, or leaving when we get to panera, where i finally thought we were hangingout. but even when we dont hangout forever we still click better then anyone else i know. just be smart, please. ive gotten closer to some people who i hangout with a lot and i wouldnt change it for the world, i didnt expect this friendship to emerge but it did and im really happy! haha. i love all of my friends, i really do and im sorry if i ever make you think different!
i'm not sure what to do, i like you sooo much but i keep questioning a few things, maybe because you let me down maybe because i expect too much or maybe because im just pyschotic haha im really not sure but i hope it keeps working........i def have so much more to get out with this subject, but idk.
i was talkign to jen last night and i told her how i have this reoccuring dream
it starts with me at a party... and ends with me in the hospital.
one night it ended with something this pyschic told me, "you will end up in the hospital in the next few months" she mentioned something with why, but thats not important.
i dont really believe in pyschics i just went for fun, but the dream is really creeping me out
the other day i was driving and i kept seeing myself in the hospital too
i think its just a coincidence, or maybe it just means something else
all i know is if for somereason i do, someone show everyone this journal entry! hahaha
i cant imagine dying, because i have so much left to say. i really try to live each day to the fullest, tell everyone what i would want to tell them , and forgive easily because i wouldnt want the words fuck you to be my last to anyone.
always forgive easily, never forget completely. its a good theory i have, atleast i think so.
i'm trying to live by it now with a certain few.
sorry this was long, let me know if you actually read the whole thing, ill be kind of impressed.