(no subject)
i hate the fact that i love clothes and go shopping as much as i do. seriously, i dont have the fucking money to buy clothes the way i do. and spending my money so frivolously on clothes that i dont need makes me hate myself. i wish that with all the money i spend on myself i would have been a better person and spent it on people who really need it. people who dont have the luxury to give into a society consumed by consumerism. the more and more i learn about conditions in other parts of the world the more and more i realize just how lucky i have it to be living in a country with a relatively stable government. i want to help people. i want to one day have enough money so that i can live comfortably and give the rest of my income to things bigger than myself. i feel like i can no longer live life obliviously and i can longer indulge myself in things without some sense of guilt. i know i wont be able to do this at this point in my life. im too selfish and quite honestly too self absorbed in achieving my own happiness, but some day thats the type of person i would like to be.