Is anybody out there even listening to my story?
Once again, I've fallen into the same situation. The crush, me, and then their girlfriend. Maybe I subconsciously do it; fall for the one that is already taken so that that pressure doesn't fall on me. Because as much as I feel that I am ready for a relationship, a real one, I think I am also too afraid to try and then find out that I'm not "relationship material" or that I'm too boring or "too" something else negative. And so I told myself that this time it would be different. That I wouldn't let myself be that other girl again. But I only have a few weeks left before I leave for Alaska, and I know I will be forgotten in that time. And so nothing has happened, but that just means it hasn't happened yet, which just means it will happen sometime, sometime soon. And, like always, it will make me happy for that instant, but as soon as he leaves to go back to his lady friend, the feelings of guilt, loneliness and bitterness will wash over me. At least they'll only last through the night til I see him the next day, where I am once again the center of his attention for my fifteen minutes of fame.