(no subject)
today is kaytee's birthday.
she is leaving for the summer soon.
i want to cry.
her birthday/going away party was yesturday.
let me tell you, it was one of the best sleepovahs i have ever been to.
i'll have to update about that later.
i promise pictures.
today i was utterly bored
and me being bored is never a good thing becuase that leads me to think alot.
i think about everything.i need to get out of here.
my mom said she was going to take away the computer, becuase i don't get off it enough. i would get off it if she actually brought me places.hm.interesting.
and sometimes i wish i could run without ever getting tired, or winded. i would run everywhere.i wish that i could run so far far far away.unfortunatly, i am not that talented, and cannot run that long and that far.or atleast not as far as i plan to go
and i want to stay here forever.just not here here. that has so many meanings.
i want to be an artist. i want to inspire. i want to be in control. i want to be care free.i want to be independant.
summer is here. i cannot feel it.i feel the humidity, i cannot feel the freedom, that i so much enjoyed when i was younger.
a part of me cannot wait for the fall.i never wanted this year to be over.i'm stupid.no.this year was a blast.i'm sorry it's over.
i want to be apart of something.something with meaning. i am. i am apart of something.i don;t want to upset anybody when i say that i feel as if i never belong when i know that I do.and sometimes when i was absentfrom school, jen or kel or someone would be like "wow dude it's mad boring without you"
or when i had to take a half year elective mcasthingew.and i had no study, so i couldn't go down to the music suite, and rebecca just said that it was dull without me, and so much more boring.things liek that make me laugh because, yes people can survive without me, and yes people can live and laugh and have fun without me, but i contribute to some part of their lives.it makes me feel apart of something.
i cannot take the humidity i cannot run in the humidity. i need to have the feeling of not being able to breathe.
the feeling when you can feel your shoulders get hot. when you start a breathing pattern.when your air becomes limited. for some reason, i cannot live without that feeling.i want to be able to go running without getting half way down my road and dying from the humidity.eeeeeh
there are lighting bugs outside. so many of them. the trees are lit up with glowing bugs. it's one of the best sites i've ever seen.i remember when i was little, i had long blonde curly hair,and pretty poofy sundresses.pastel colors. with my jar, dancing around the trunks of trees, catching fireflies.i would show my collection to my parents as if they were medals, no trophies. they ment more than gold.and i'm glad that i am similar to georgia okeefe,in the sense that she apprciated the simple everyday things that people overlooked.she's kind of always been someone i've looked up to.i'm greatful that i have that quality though.
sometimes i prefer silence over music.
sometimes i prefer plain over decorated
my lipstick tastes awful.my hair smells like citrus.i prefer jazz over anything in the world.
sometimes i am afraid that i am the same as everyone else.sometimes, i hate fitting in. in a way none of of fit in.we're all different in some way that only we ourselfs can see.we make ourselves see thatwe are different.
we're all the same, becuase we're all different.
i'm sorry i don't make much sense.but i'm not sorry at the same time.
it makes no sense that everyone around me is moving and i am stuck here.
everyone is doing something and i am wasting away.i haet that i am not productive.
and i hate that asmuch as i think i am enjoying my youth, in 30 years i'll regret it.
i am so afraid of growing old.i will face it alone.i'll end up getting married, and my husband will probably go though the same mid life crisis.but it will always be an internal conflict.no one can help you out of it.i wish i had more wisdom. this doesn't seem to be sufficient.
i need to get some new books. i'm going out of my mind. i need to get some new cds.i need to get alot fo things.
tomorrow i am going to read this and laugh. what the fuck am i talking about.
i'll post it anyway.maybe i'm not as crazy as i think.someone has to agree with me.
and it's funny how many times i changed topics on here.it's funny how to me my works fit perfectly together.
this is all simply becuase i am exausted.
i didn't get much sleep from the party. and you know when you get really tired, and you just keep rambleing about the most random things. well this is exactly like that.
okay so now you know just how i am when i am really tired.
she is leaving for the summer soon.
i want to cry.
her birthday/going away party was yesturday.
let me tell you, it was one of the best sleepovahs i have ever been to.
i'll have to update about that later.
i promise pictures.
today i was utterly bored
and me being bored is never a good thing becuase that leads me to think alot.
i think about everything.i need to get out of here.
my mom said she was going to take away the computer, becuase i don't get off it enough. i would get off it if she actually brought me places.hm.interesting.
and sometimes i wish i could run without ever getting tired, or winded. i would run everywhere.i wish that i could run so far far far away.unfortunatly, i am not that talented, and cannot run that long and that far.or atleast not as far as i plan to go
and i want to stay here forever.just not here here. that has so many meanings.
i want to be an artist. i want to inspire. i want to be in control. i want to be care free.i want to be independant.
summer is here. i cannot feel it.i feel the humidity, i cannot feel the freedom, that i so much enjoyed when i was younger.
a part of me cannot wait for the fall.i never wanted this year to be over.i'm stupid.no.this year was a blast.i'm sorry it's over.
i want to be apart of something.something with meaning. i am. i am apart of something.i don;t want to upset anybody when i say that i feel as if i never belong when i know that I do.and sometimes when i was absentfrom school, jen or kel or someone would be like "wow dude it's mad boring without you"
or when i had to take a half year elective mcasthingew.and i had no study, so i couldn't go down to the music suite, and rebecca just said that it was dull without me, and so much more boring.things liek that make me laugh because, yes people can survive without me, and yes people can live and laugh and have fun without me, but i contribute to some part of their lives.it makes me feel apart of something.
i cannot take the humidity i cannot run in the humidity. i need to have the feeling of not being able to breathe.
the feeling when you can feel your shoulders get hot. when you start a breathing pattern.when your air becomes limited. for some reason, i cannot live without that feeling.i want to be able to go running without getting half way down my road and dying from the humidity.eeeeeh
there are lighting bugs outside. so many of them. the trees are lit up with glowing bugs. it's one of the best sites i've ever seen.i remember when i was little, i had long blonde curly hair,and pretty poofy sundresses.pastel colors. with my jar, dancing around the trunks of trees, catching fireflies.i would show my collection to my parents as if they were medals, no trophies. they ment more than gold.and i'm glad that i am similar to georgia okeefe,in the sense that she apprciated the simple everyday things that people overlooked.she's kind of always been someone i've looked up to.i'm greatful that i have that quality though.
sometimes i prefer silence over music.
sometimes i prefer plain over decorated
my lipstick tastes awful.my hair smells like citrus.i prefer jazz over anything in the world.
sometimes i am afraid that i am the same as everyone else.sometimes, i hate fitting in. in a way none of of fit in.we're all different in some way that only we ourselfs can see.we make ourselves see thatwe are different.
we're all the same, becuase we're all different.
i'm sorry i don't make much sense.but i'm not sorry at the same time.
it makes no sense that everyone around me is moving and i am stuck here.
everyone is doing something and i am wasting away.i haet that i am not productive.
and i hate that asmuch as i think i am enjoying my youth, in 30 years i'll regret it.
i am so afraid of growing old.i will face it alone.i'll end up getting married, and my husband will probably go though the same mid life crisis.but it will always be an internal conflict.no one can help you out of it.i wish i had more wisdom. this doesn't seem to be sufficient.
i need to get some new books. i'm going out of my mind. i need to get some new cds.i need to get alot fo things.
tomorrow i am going to read this and laugh. what the fuck am i talking about.
i'll post it anyway.maybe i'm not as crazy as i think.someone has to agree with me.
and it's funny how many times i changed topics on here.it's funny how to me my works fit perfectly together.
this is all simply becuase i am exausted.
i didn't get much sleep from the party. and you know when you get really tired, and you just keep rambleing about the most random things. well this is exactly like that.
okay so now you know just how i am when i am really tired.