Dont start reading this if you wont finish it.
I've kept myself from updating this thing because I dont really want to look back on what's happened in the past month. I'm still working at Sonic. But I no longer have my first love. Tim had killed himself May 19th. At about 2am, he and I had been arguing because he hadnt been talking to me. I was getting worried because I found out he had been drinking alot. He had been riding around with this guy Joe, who had been good friends with Tim. Tim had also started hanging around this girl, Jennifer. Even typing that girl's name brings about a rage so strong in me, I have to pause from wanting to punch something. She's been going around saying Tim was HER boyfriend and he had killed himself over HER. But back to early Wednsday morning.
Tim and I had been playing phone tag for about an hour, catching eachother and only arguing when we did talk. Joe's girl friend and I had been out looking for Tim and Joe that night. I had to be at work by 6am, and I was out hunting my bf down at 1am. About 2am, Brandy and I headed back to Tim's house hoping to catch the guys there. The guys pulled up not too long after we did. Tim was in the back seat with Jennifer leaning against his chest. I asked Tim why he was doing this, why wouldnt he talk to me, and why wouldnt he get out of the car. I had pulled the ring he gave me, off my finger and threw it at him as he sat drunk still in the car. Joe had been driving, he had gotten out of the car and was arguing with Brandy when I was trying to get a word out of Tim. All Tim said to me was, "I'm fucked up... I'm not getting out of this car." He yelled for Joe to get back in the car and they sped off leaving Brandy infuriated, and me in tears. I didnt know what to think of the situation, I was so scared to lose him... but I felt I had that night since he wouldnt talk to me and had some bitch laying on him in the backseat of her car.
About 30min after they sped off, Tim called me in tears.
"Why did you throw the ring I gave you in the car?!?", he yelled.
All I could say was "I dont know, Tim. Why are you riding around with that girl?!?! Where are you? Please tell me what's going on."
I was sobbing the whole time. He sounded so desperate, scared, and angry with himself... everything. He kept telling me to tell him I love him.
-"TELL ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME!"
-"I love you! Jesus. Timothy, tell me where you are. Please..."
-"TELL ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME! TELL ME I'D CHEAT ON YOU!"
-"I'm sorry, please tell me where you. I fucking love you, please tell me where you are."
-silence-
-"It'd just be so easy to end it with a pull of this trigger."
-I am hysteric now, and desperate to have him in my arms.-
-"PLEASE! TIMOTHY TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. PLEASE DONT DO THIS. PLEASE!"
-"I'm somewhere safe, don't worry. I'm sorry."
He hangs up. A gunshot echos maybe half a football field away from me. I scream for Tim's roommate to go look for Tim. I dropped my phone and dont know where to start looking. The shot sounded close but I was unsure of the direction it came from. Anthony takes off towards the link fence alongside the railroad tracks that lie about 80ft from the trailors we stayed in. Tim's sister had called the police. By the time the police arrive, they've found Tim sitting ontop of a cement tunnel between the tracks and the fence, holding his pistol in his hand... crying. Tim crawls up into the tunnel which is only about 3ft high, and 3ft wide. The police begin to get closer, then suddenly start backing up.
Another gunshot. This time, I hear Anthony yell, and Tim's sister scream. I freeze. Remembering that moment... the air was still, the city was silent. I had dropped to my knees and kept screaming that I wanted Tim. But I couldnt. I had cried for well over an hour just leaning against people and cars. I called my mother to let her know what happened. She told me to call my dad. I had called my dad and he had gotten pissed off that I had left home in the middle of the night without saying something. He came and pulled me away from the trailors, practically dragging me home. I climbed into my bed feeling so numb. All I could do was cry and toss and turn. I spoke to Ana and Mike before actually falling asleep. I awoke... still feeling numb. I looked on my phone and saw I had a voicemail that I had not seen there before. I pressed in my passcode and awaited the mystery voicemail to play.
It was Tim.
"Baby, I love you. I'm sorry... the way shit, had to go the way it went. I love you."
When Tim's sister got Tim's phone bill... she said my number was the last one Tim had called.
Then later on that day, Tim's sister and I had decided to get in touch with as many people Tim may have known. When we went by one of Tim's ex-girlfriend's, we had decided to go to Jennifer's house... and pay alittle visit. Tim's ex girlfriend beat the living shit out of Jennifer. The following day, was the wake. It had been the last time I'd seen Tim. The mortician had put alot make-up on Tim's face, his chest seemed swollen... and he looked like he'd been sleeping in the casket. I've been having dreams where I'm looking at Tim in his casket, and he wakes up. He pulls me to lay with him, and his casket turns into his bed... we both fall asleep peacefully. He was burried on the 21st of May. Just down the road from where I used to live in James Island.
I had gone back to work the following Tuesday. Many were surprised at my returning back to work so soon. I'd been getting fucked up nearly each weekend and working to keep me busy and to keep me from feeling down. I've been hanging out with some of Tim's closest friends that I've known for nearly the same amount of time, but I wasnt close to them like Tim was. But I've pracically taken over Tim's spot... looking over the kids in Hanahan, and looking out for his boys. His boys call me to make sure I'm ok and if I've gotten any beef because of Tim.
This guy I met recently is beginning to get too close for comfort. He started messin with me last Thursday when I was half asleep and half drunk. Left a fucking hickey on my neck, when he KNEW what I'm going through. I even told him I preferred not to get close with anyone for a good while. One of Tim's closest friends, Greg, that lives practically next door to me, said that if the guy gives me any trouble, Greg said he wouldnt hesitate to put a bullet in that guy's ass.
I had finally gotten a miniature old english "T" on the top of my back that looks exactly like the one Tim had on his left arm. The tattoo artist started and finished before I even started and finished a newport 100. lol
That's basically about it for now... just work, getting-fucked-up weekends, couple more tats, a car, my GED and moving out is in the near future.
Tim and I had been playing phone tag for about an hour, catching eachother and only arguing when we did talk. Joe's girl friend and I had been out looking for Tim and Joe that night. I had to be at work by 6am, and I was out hunting my bf down at 1am. About 2am, Brandy and I headed back to Tim's house hoping to catch the guys there. The guys pulled up not too long after we did. Tim was in the back seat with Jennifer leaning against his chest. I asked Tim why he was doing this, why wouldnt he talk to me, and why wouldnt he get out of the car. I had pulled the ring he gave me, off my finger and threw it at him as he sat drunk still in the car. Joe had been driving, he had gotten out of the car and was arguing with Brandy when I was trying to get a word out of Tim. All Tim said to me was, "I'm fucked up... I'm not getting out of this car." He yelled for Joe to get back in the car and they sped off leaving Brandy infuriated, and me in tears. I didnt know what to think of the situation, I was so scared to lose him... but I felt I had that night since he wouldnt talk to me and had some bitch laying on him in the backseat of her car.
About 30min after they sped off, Tim called me in tears.
"Why did you throw the ring I gave you in the car?!?", he yelled.
All I could say was "I dont know, Tim. Why are you riding around with that girl?!?! Where are you? Please tell me what's going on."
I was sobbing the whole time. He sounded so desperate, scared, and angry with himself... everything. He kept telling me to tell him I love him.
-"TELL ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME!"
-"I love you! Jesus. Timothy, tell me where you are. Please..."
-"TELL ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME! TELL ME I'D CHEAT ON YOU!"
-"I'm sorry, please tell me where you. I fucking love you, please tell me where you are."
-silence-
-"It'd just be so easy to end it with a pull of this trigger."
-I am hysteric now, and desperate to have him in my arms.-
-"PLEASE! TIMOTHY TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. PLEASE DONT DO THIS. PLEASE!"
-"I'm somewhere safe, don't worry. I'm sorry."
He hangs up. A gunshot echos maybe half a football field away from me. I scream for Tim's roommate to go look for Tim. I dropped my phone and dont know where to start looking. The shot sounded close but I was unsure of the direction it came from. Anthony takes off towards the link fence alongside the railroad tracks that lie about 80ft from the trailors we stayed in. Tim's sister had called the police. By the time the police arrive, they've found Tim sitting ontop of a cement tunnel between the tracks and the fence, holding his pistol in his hand... crying. Tim crawls up into the tunnel which is only about 3ft high, and 3ft wide. The police begin to get closer, then suddenly start backing up.
Another gunshot. This time, I hear Anthony yell, and Tim's sister scream. I freeze. Remembering that moment... the air was still, the city was silent. I had dropped to my knees and kept screaming that I wanted Tim. But I couldnt. I had cried for well over an hour just leaning against people and cars. I called my mother to let her know what happened. She told me to call my dad. I had called my dad and he had gotten pissed off that I had left home in the middle of the night without saying something. He came and pulled me away from the trailors, practically dragging me home. I climbed into my bed feeling so numb. All I could do was cry and toss and turn. I spoke to Ana and Mike before actually falling asleep. I awoke... still feeling numb. I looked on my phone and saw I had a voicemail that I had not seen there before. I pressed in my passcode and awaited the mystery voicemail to play.
It was Tim.
"Baby, I love you. I'm sorry... the way shit, had to go the way it went. I love you."
When Tim's sister got Tim's phone bill... she said my number was the last one Tim had called.
Then later on that day, Tim's sister and I had decided to get in touch with as many people Tim may have known. When we went by one of Tim's ex-girlfriend's, we had decided to go to Jennifer's house... and pay alittle visit. Tim's ex girlfriend beat the living shit out of Jennifer. The following day, was the wake. It had been the last time I'd seen Tim. The mortician had put alot make-up on Tim's face, his chest seemed swollen... and he looked like he'd been sleeping in the casket. I've been having dreams where I'm looking at Tim in his casket, and he wakes up. He pulls me to lay with him, and his casket turns into his bed... we both fall asleep peacefully. He was burried on the 21st of May. Just down the road from where I used to live in James Island.
I had gone back to work the following Tuesday. Many were surprised at my returning back to work so soon. I'd been getting fucked up nearly each weekend and working to keep me busy and to keep me from feeling down. I've been hanging out with some of Tim's closest friends that I've known for nearly the same amount of time, but I wasnt close to them like Tim was. But I've pracically taken over Tim's spot... looking over the kids in Hanahan, and looking out for his boys. His boys call me to make sure I'm ok and if I've gotten any beef because of Tim.
This guy I met recently is beginning to get too close for comfort. He started messin with me last Thursday when I was half asleep and half drunk. Left a fucking hickey on my neck, when he KNEW what I'm going through. I even told him I preferred not to get close with anyone for a good while. One of Tim's closest friends, Greg, that lives practically next door to me, said that if the guy gives me any trouble, Greg said he wouldnt hesitate to put a bullet in that guy's ass.
I had finally gotten a miniature old english "T" on the top of my back that looks exactly like the one Tim had on his left arm. The tattoo artist started and finished before I even started and finished a newport 100. lol
That's basically about it for now... just work, getting-fucked-up weekends, couple more tats, a car, my GED and moving out is in the near future.