(no subject)
Don't know if it's better or worse to force myself into being optimistic. I guess its better because then you don't sort of wake up with that feeling each morning that something is missing? like you leave the house and you think you've forgotten the keys, but they're in your bag the whole time. I just don't want it to be like when Pete was sick and we were all so positive. He's going to be fine, he's a strong kid. but then when he wasn't fine it felt like for the last 3-4 years everyone had been lying. and that's worse.
I love auntie Jane and I hate that I don't tell her enough. Even when I was younger she was the only person I could be completely candid with and I knew she wouldn't judge me. We get each other. I mean, I couldn't talk about drinking and smoking and drugs and youknowwhat with my mum! but that's what jane has always been there for. When she's at her worst I want to be able to go over and keep her company. but then I drive or walk over there and I get about a minute away and I turn back. because i'm lame. seriously, fucking pathetic.
Alana is 14, kristy is 12... they've already had the loss of two family members, a divorce, and a parade of bad romantic candidates for their parents to have to deal with, its like, how much can kids of that age really take before they give up hope?
I remember when I was 5 and noone told me anything bad because I was too young to cope. is there an age you can reach where you'll be too old to cope?
but all self-pity aside, there are great things going on at the moment. my two best friends are enjoying that tingly-excited feeling of liking someone new. My brother is about to graduate from his first uni degree, Cam is getting ready to start a whole new adventure in a completely different state, and we're getting the dripping tap fixed TOMORROW! (believe me, this is a gReAt thing! that fucking tap is driving me up the fucking wall!)
so smile donna! life is beautiful.
I love auntie Jane and I hate that I don't tell her enough. Even when I was younger she was the only person I could be completely candid with and I knew she wouldn't judge me. We get each other. I mean, I couldn't talk about drinking and smoking and drugs and youknowwhat with my mum! but that's what jane has always been there for. When she's at her worst I want to be able to go over and keep her company. but then I drive or walk over there and I get about a minute away and I turn back. because i'm lame. seriously, fucking pathetic.
Alana is 14, kristy is 12... they've already had the loss of two family members, a divorce, and a parade of bad romantic candidates for their parents to have to deal with, its like, how much can kids of that age really take before they give up hope?
I remember when I was 5 and noone told me anything bad because I was too young to cope. is there an age you can reach where you'll be too old to cope?
but all self-pity aside, there are great things going on at the moment. my two best friends are enjoying that tingly-excited feeling of liking someone new. My brother is about to graduate from his first uni degree, Cam is getting ready to start a whole new adventure in a completely different state, and we're getting the dripping tap fixed TOMORROW! (believe me, this is a gReAt thing! that fucking tap is driving me up the fucking wall!)
so smile donna! life is beautiful.