Because this cracks me up...
Here is my favorite Max skit.
The Poetry of Max Weinberg
Fall makes Max nostalgic and evocative. Hence the poem "Autumn Memories":
MAX: (reading) "Leaves fall from the mottled November sky, forming a crisp
blanket at my laboring feet. I scoop up some leaves into my arms and
breathe deeply of their autumn bounty. With both hands I spread these
leaves to cover the lifeless body of my victim."
(reaction: puzzled Conan)
MAX: "Shrouded in his leafy jacket, this is one neighbor who will no
longer slam his car doors late at night. I feel the release... and it is
good. But soon questions will be asked - something must be done. I spy the
woodchipper in the corner of my yard..."
COB: Uh, Max?
MAX: "Its gleaming metal sides beckon me to finish the job. I drag my
victim feet-first towards the chipper's gaping maw. I laugh - ha ha ha ha
ha! Who's the idiot now, huh, Larry?"
COB: (rising) All right, Max, that's great, that's terrific...
MAX: (vehemently) Conan! Please! I'm NOT finished yet! "Grind, grind,
grind goes the chipper as it does its gruesome work!"
The Poetry of Max Weinberg
Fall makes Max nostalgic and evocative. Hence the poem "Autumn Memories":
MAX: (reading) "Leaves fall from the mottled November sky, forming a crisp
blanket at my laboring feet. I scoop up some leaves into my arms and
breathe deeply of their autumn bounty. With both hands I spread these
leaves to cover the lifeless body of my victim."
(reaction: puzzled Conan)
MAX: "Shrouded in his leafy jacket, this is one neighbor who will no
longer slam his car doors late at night. I feel the release... and it is
good. But soon questions will be asked - something must be done. I spy the
woodchipper in the corner of my yard..."
COB: Uh, Max?
MAX: "Its gleaming metal sides beckon me to finish the job. I drag my
victim feet-first towards the chipper's gaping maw. I laugh - ha ha ha ha
ha! Who's the idiot now, huh, Larry?"
COB: (rising) All right, Max, that's great, that's terrific...
MAX: (vehemently) Conan! Please! I'm NOT finished yet! "Grind, grind,
grind goes the chipper as it does its gruesome work!"