(no subject)
ok, thinking time.
1. what am i doing with my self these days?
2. is it really this hard to meet people?
3. i've lost almost all contact with a lot of people.
4. where do i go from here?
it seems like there just isn't a solution to really anything. i've tried to come to that realization but it's just a hard concept to grasp. because if there is no solution or answer for anything that we're doing why shouldn't we just live life as if it's meaningless and just fuck ourselves up? there's just no motivation to try. everyday is the same thing. i wake up, go to school, come home for lunch, go back to school, then i go home and either a) get high, b) sit around, c) find someone to hang out with and do nothing or d) go to someone's house and find someting really boring to do. and it's not like i am all "yeah! let's get high!" there's just nothing left to do. on the weekends i go to parties, get really trashed and don't remember the night before.
i don't know what to do at this point. and the only thing that i need to rid myself of this is a girlfriend. yes, i sound stupid, but think about it. if i have a girlfriend then i have a) someone to talk to almost whenever i need to, b) someone to hang out with a lot, c) something to have a reason to not get high or trashed every day. then there's some of you that might say "well what about a best friend? or just get over it?" and i'd like to wish that both of those could work, but i don't think like that. when i'm on my own, i do what i want and do for the moment. and a best friend still leaves myself feeling a little empty, because who doesn't just want someone?
1. what am i doing with my self these days?
2. is it really this hard to meet people?
3. i've lost almost all contact with a lot of people.
4. where do i go from here?
it seems like there just isn't a solution to really anything. i've tried to come to that realization but it's just a hard concept to grasp. because if there is no solution or answer for anything that we're doing why shouldn't we just live life as if it's meaningless and just fuck ourselves up? there's just no motivation to try. everyday is the same thing. i wake up, go to school, come home for lunch, go back to school, then i go home and either a) get high, b) sit around, c) find someone to hang out with and do nothing or d) go to someone's house and find someting really boring to do. and it's not like i am all "yeah! let's get high!" there's just nothing left to do. on the weekends i go to parties, get really trashed and don't remember the night before.
i don't know what to do at this point. and the only thing that i need to rid myself of this is a girlfriend. yes, i sound stupid, but think about it. if i have a girlfriend then i have a) someone to talk to almost whenever i need to, b) someone to hang out with a lot, c) something to have a reason to not get high or trashed every day. then there's some of you that might say "well what about a best friend? or just get over it?" and i'd like to wish that both of those could work, but i don't think like that. when i'm on my own, i do what i want and do for the moment. and a best friend still leaves myself feeling a little empty, because who doesn't just want someone?