i'll subject pain by ounces
So I'm not going to admit to any wrong doing.
I really love him, and i gave up so much to try and make things work, but i guess you can say that it was never meant to be. as much as that hurts to admit, it just might be true. i gave myself to him. i lied, and it wasnt the smartest thing i've ever done. i never thought it would end like this. i hated that he asked for one last kiss. i hate the fact that i gave myself to him so easily. i'm just another girl on a list. or a least thats how it feels. i'm going to die this week. the pain is kicking in slowly, but surely. as much as he says i do, i don't deserve this. i'm not a bad person. sure i did cocaine, but i'm vulnerable. i pulled myself away from it so easily, but it was because of love, if he hadnt been there i'm pretty sure i would still be doing it. i'm not going back to it. never. like i told him earlier, love isn't this weak. i kept trying. and trying. and fucking trying. i don't think he did too much. icould be wrong. he didn't love me as much as i wanted. he didn't. i know that for a fact. i never went and told any boy that i liked him; i could never do that. i did stupid things too, but that was essentially betrayal. i got home and listened to the voicemails from alan israel and chris. they told me that they never wanted to speak to me again. and josh told me that tony was mad at me. he's not that mad at me, but chris and alan were. i've lost a lot in the past 48 hours. a lot.
i'll live my life as a hermit, because that sounds like the best idea i've ever had. i might as well take a vow of celibacy.
fuck, i feel like i've been completely taken advantage of.
and that note i recieved attached to the plush toy has been burned.
i wasn't even this hurt when i seperated from my first love.
I really love him, and i gave up so much to try and make things work, but i guess you can say that it was never meant to be. as much as that hurts to admit, it just might be true. i gave myself to him. i lied, and it wasnt the smartest thing i've ever done. i never thought it would end like this. i hated that he asked for one last kiss. i hate the fact that i gave myself to him so easily. i'm just another girl on a list. or a least thats how it feels. i'm going to die this week. the pain is kicking in slowly, but surely. as much as he says i do, i don't deserve this. i'm not a bad person. sure i did cocaine, but i'm vulnerable. i pulled myself away from it so easily, but it was because of love, if he hadnt been there i'm pretty sure i would still be doing it. i'm not going back to it. never. like i told him earlier, love isn't this weak. i kept trying. and trying. and fucking trying. i don't think he did too much. icould be wrong. he didn't love me as much as i wanted. he didn't. i know that for a fact. i never went and told any boy that i liked him; i could never do that. i did stupid things too, but that was essentially betrayal. i got home and listened to the voicemails from alan israel and chris. they told me that they never wanted to speak to me again. and josh told me that tony was mad at me. he's not that mad at me, but chris and alan were. i've lost a lot in the past 48 hours. a lot.
i'll live my life as a hermit, because that sounds like the best idea i've ever had. i might as well take a vow of celibacy.
fuck, i feel like i've been completely taken advantage of.
and that note i recieved attached to the plush toy has been burned.
i wasn't even this hurt when i seperated from my first love.