it's not because it's overcast
I'm having a really off day. I went to bed last night angry and emo for, realistically, no reason, and assumed that I might sleep it off. But I woke up in the same funkand have been trying to make the most of the day regardless. I went to honors then skipped my next class and went to the gym for two hours. I don't know what to do with myself, so on my walk home, I decided to post in my livejournal and thereupon formulated what I would say.
I know we all have crumby days. The aggravating part about this one though is that it's so out of the blue. Generally I'm happy, with the exception of the acceptable low days, but this one just showed up without warning. It probably doesn't help that last night I watched "Rules of Attraction" (which is an excellent movie, by the way) which was real, raw, and remarkably depressing. It makes you think. Makes you think about whom or what you are overlooking on a daily basis or in everyday life. Makes you think about how the little things you miss could be big things. Makes you think about how selfish we are as human beings, in that we are so focused on our own objectives and motivation that we are blind to other things that could change our lives. Makes you question your own life, your own motives, and your own fate. Really awesome movie, though, I recommend it. Just makes you think.
So now I'm all emo. At least twice today I could have cried at the drop of a hat. In public. For essentially no reason. And no, I'm not just being a girl. And no, I'm not pregnant. That's not a funny joke. It's just not possible. Suck it.
And, to reference Regina, nothing is WRONG, but also nothing is RIGHT. In my life, I mean. I'm fine and happy and living, but I'm trying too hard all the time and nothing ever seems to be going as planned. Not that I need to give up, just that I always find that I need to rethink my motivation, wants, and needs. Bleh
As a sidenote, coincidentally or not, I am really missing HC today. But not the school. Just the people. And not all the people. Just my people. I wish I were with Amy Abe and Jim right now. (This is not to put down where I am or whom I am with it's just that I miss them and feel like being with them right now.) Don't get me wrong I am plenty happy here. Most always I am really happy. Just not so much today. I wish we were reunited, eating Mcdonald's and talking about Lazy Eye Laurie. Or Lori. Or anything.
So now Sarah Murrell and I are skipping our dance class. I'm going to shower. And eat some food. And ponder my existence and direction in life. But don't worry about me. Sorry this post couldn't be more pleasant, but I guess when we are upset we have more weighing on our minds and therefore more to say. I guess livejournal can be useful for some things like puking your feelings out. Feelings? Since when did I have those again? Oh bother.
I know we all have crumby days. The aggravating part about this one though is that it's so out of the blue. Generally I'm happy, with the exception of the acceptable low days, but this one just showed up without warning. It probably doesn't help that last night I watched "Rules of Attraction" (which is an excellent movie, by the way) which was real, raw, and remarkably depressing. It makes you think. Makes you think about whom or what you are overlooking on a daily basis or in everyday life. Makes you think about how the little things you miss could be big things. Makes you think about how selfish we are as human beings, in that we are so focused on our own objectives and motivation that we are blind to other things that could change our lives. Makes you question your own life, your own motives, and your own fate. Really awesome movie, though, I recommend it. Just makes you think.
So now I'm all emo. At least twice today I could have cried at the drop of a hat. In public. For essentially no reason. And no, I'm not just being a girl. And no, I'm not pregnant. That's not a funny joke. It's just not possible. Suck it.
And, to reference Regina, nothing is WRONG, but also nothing is RIGHT. In my life, I mean. I'm fine and happy and living, but I'm trying too hard all the time and nothing ever seems to be going as planned. Not that I need to give up, just that I always find that I need to rethink my motivation, wants, and needs. Bleh
As a sidenote, coincidentally or not, I am really missing HC today. But not the school. Just the people. And not all the people. Just my people. I wish I were with Amy Abe and Jim right now. (This is not to put down where I am or whom I am with it's just that I miss them and feel like being with them right now.) Don't get me wrong I am plenty happy here. Most always I am really happy. Just not so much today. I wish we were reunited, eating Mcdonald's and talking about Lazy Eye Laurie. Or Lori. Or anything.
So now Sarah Murrell and I are skipping our dance class. I'm going to shower. And eat some food. And ponder my existence and direction in life. But don't worry about me. Sorry this post couldn't be more pleasant, but I guess when we are upset we have more weighing on our minds and therefore more to say. I guess livejournal can be useful for some things like puking your feelings out. Feelings? Since when did I have those again? Oh bother.