Wacky Story of the Month
I sent this as a myspace message to a friend. Upon rereading it and appreciating it's absurdity, I figured I'd share with all my lj buddies.
Shit's been really stressful at work. A potential consolidation with Verizon Communications (landline company) and Wireless put all of us up in limbo. Today at work a bunch of work came down from my VP that needed to be done by tomorrow morning. Keep in mind, this was at 3:45pm and I'm done at 4. So I go to one of my friends Aaron, who is a supervisor in my department. I start asking him procedural questions and other random questions about a particular daily task he does. It involves 6 different automated reports that I run that produce different data altogether. My VP wants me to consolidate all 6 reports into 1 and send it to someone at Communications, by 7am tomorrow. Keep in mind, generating a single report usually takes me 4-6 hours. So this would involve me somehow merging all 6 reports into a conglomerated, mulatto, MONGREL report. It basically couldn't be done. So as he's showing me this stuff that he does with these reports, I mutter to myself "This is fucking bullshit. If they make me try and do this, I'll just hang myself. I will tie up a noose and hang myself." This apparently caught my friend by surprise and was shocked at my comment.
Anyways, I call my VP, tell her the deal and make my way to my car. I put on my XM and let the car warm up. As it's warming up, I start pulling the iPod out of my hoodie pocket so I can stick it between the ass and back cushions of my passenger seat, so it doesn't tumble around in my car as I drive home. So as I fumbled and pulled the iPod out, I slowly keel over to the passenger seat and start sticking it between the cushions. All of a sudden I hear, "YO! DONT!" I look up at my passenger side window to see my friend Aaron slam his elbow into it. It doesn't break and he grabs his elbow as he writhes in pain.
I lower my window and ask him what the fuck he was doing. He yells out, "DUDE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF! I walked up and you slumped to one side."
I cried the whole way home as I saw a black man blush. His face looked like grape kool-aid and cherry kool-aid with all the blush blotches.
It's good to see that someone would try to save me from a suicide attempt. Then again, I think he just thought it would be uncouth of me to off myself in front of the day-care center. Who knows...
Shit's been really stressful at work. A potential consolidation with Verizon Communications (landline company) and Wireless put all of us up in limbo. Today at work a bunch of work came down from my VP that needed to be done by tomorrow morning. Keep in mind, this was at 3:45pm and I'm done at 4. So I go to one of my friends Aaron, who is a supervisor in my department. I start asking him procedural questions and other random questions about a particular daily task he does. It involves 6 different automated reports that I run that produce different data altogether. My VP wants me to consolidate all 6 reports into 1 and send it to someone at Communications, by 7am tomorrow. Keep in mind, generating a single report usually takes me 4-6 hours. So this would involve me somehow merging all 6 reports into a conglomerated, mulatto, MONGREL report. It basically couldn't be done. So as he's showing me this stuff that he does with these reports, I mutter to myself "This is fucking bullshit. If they make me try and do this, I'll just hang myself. I will tie up a noose and hang myself." This apparently caught my friend by surprise and was shocked at my comment.
Anyways, I call my VP, tell her the deal and make my way to my car. I put on my XM and let the car warm up. As it's warming up, I start pulling the iPod out of my hoodie pocket so I can stick it between the ass and back cushions of my passenger seat, so it doesn't tumble around in my car as I drive home. So as I fumbled and pulled the iPod out, I slowly keel over to the passenger seat and start sticking it between the cushions. All of a sudden I hear, "YO! DONT!" I look up at my passenger side window to see my friend Aaron slam his elbow into it. It doesn't break and he grabs his elbow as he writhes in pain.
I lower my window and ask him what the fuck he was doing. He yells out, "DUDE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF! I walked up and you slumped to one side."
I cried the whole way home as I saw a black man blush. His face looked like grape kool-aid and cherry kool-aid with all the blush blotches.
It's good to see that someone would try to save me from a suicide attempt. Then again, I think he just thought it would be uncouth of me to off myself in front of the day-care center. Who knows...