(no subject)
I don't think loneliness has ever felt so right until recently.
I went to warped tour yesterday and it resulted in me thinking the entire time; while roasting underneath the sun all day. It was relaxing though and i fully enjoyed myself. Its been a while since i spent an entire day outside and not feeling like i want to scream at someone.
We were stuck in sacramento for a few extra hours into the evening/morning. While staring at the stars and cornfields for a good 3 hours the outside worlds reflected all these thoughts and ideas dancing in front of my senses. I am alone, in comparison to my life; this is about the most solitude i have swallowed at once. I'm hundreds of miles away from vegas, friends/acquaintances and as much as i dislike her right now... my mother. she has forced me under her control for years, although im not completely free from her reign; i am pretty damned close. opportunities have been freely thrown into my own hands and im taking advantage of them... not only to get away, but to help my self. Maybe its the easy way out but im going to be completely selfish; i deserve a chance to throw in the white towel and escape my own hell without even taking the slightest glance back
I really miss him. 20 minutes can not pass by where i do not think of him. He was my father he was all i EVER had. I did not need anyone else in my life but him. I knew it wouldnt last forever. The day I learned that my fathers health was threatened was the day my simplistic virgin thoughts of childhood slowly were driven away. i realized life is not a fucking nickelodeon channel. Thank god i learned that as soon as i did otherwise I would be more lost than i am at the moment... but completely oblivious to it. I would be like the other teenage girls out there who complain about boys and a bad hair jobs. Theres more to life than complaining about every second of it. Its what you make out of it. Its what you make out of your friends. Its what you make out of a bad hair cut. Its what you make out of life.. its how you fix it.
Its disappointing to see such people waste there times on things they wont even remember a year from now.
My point is im fully appreciative of everyone who has helped me in the slightest bit.
It's strange... i may seem inconsolable but i love my life more than ever.
I went to warped tour yesterday and it resulted in me thinking the entire time; while roasting underneath the sun all day. It was relaxing though and i fully enjoyed myself. Its been a while since i spent an entire day outside and not feeling like i want to scream at someone.
We were stuck in sacramento for a few extra hours into the evening/morning. While staring at the stars and cornfields for a good 3 hours the outside worlds reflected all these thoughts and ideas dancing in front of my senses. I am alone, in comparison to my life; this is about the most solitude i have swallowed at once. I'm hundreds of miles away from vegas, friends/acquaintances and as much as i dislike her right now... my mother. she has forced me under her control for years, although im not completely free from her reign; i am pretty damned close. opportunities have been freely thrown into my own hands and im taking advantage of them... not only to get away, but to help my self. Maybe its the easy way out but im going to be completely selfish; i deserve a chance to throw in the white towel and escape my own hell without even taking the slightest glance back
I really miss him. 20 minutes can not pass by where i do not think of him. He was my father he was all i EVER had. I did not need anyone else in my life but him. I knew it wouldnt last forever. The day I learned that my fathers health was threatened was the day my simplistic virgin thoughts of childhood slowly were driven away. i realized life is not a fucking nickelodeon channel. Thank god i learned that as soon as i did otherwise I would be more lost than i am at the moment... but completely oblivious to it. I would be like the other teenage girls out there who complain about boys and a bad hair jobs. Theres more to life than complaining about every second of it. Its what you make out of it. Its what you make out of your friends. Its what you make out of a bad hair cut. Its what you make out of life.. its how you fix it.
Its disappointing to see such people waste there times on things they wont even remember a year from now.
My point is im fully appreciative of everyone who has helped me in the slightest bit.
It's strange... i may seem inconsolable but i love my life more than ever.