Secret Snog: Part 2
Title: Secret Snog
Author: _demonsblade_
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, James/Lily
Rating: R
Genre: Romance, fluff, humor, angst
Warning: Slash, boy/boy snogging, twisted Secret Santa games, man sex, angst, dominant!Remus, bottom!Remus
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: All characters © J.K. Rowling. Trust me...if I owned them, it so wouldn't be a children's series.
Summary: James and Sirius decide to set up a game of Secret Snog for Valentine's Day, and convince Remus into joining. Rule: You must snog the person whose name you pick out of the hat. Who'll get to snog our two favorite canines? MWPP Era.
Teaser:
The pain and pleasure of it all was too much for him to handle-yet he wanted more. Sirius’s head felt as if he had taken one of the Muggle drugs his cousin had given him once. But this high was not the result of some synthetic chemical. This high was Remus-and Sirius was already addicted.
Remus hadn’t realized he had dozed off until he was shaken awake by a rough but comforting hand.
He blinked sleepily, wincing at the pain in his swollen eyes. “James?”
The image of his best friend smiled down on him, and Remus sat up slowly, putting a hand to his throbbing head.
“May I?” asked James, gesturing toward the bed.
“Oh, uh…sure.” Remus scooted to make room for James, who sank down cross-legged onto the bed beside him, looking concerned.
“Is everything all right, Remus?” James began. “You’ve been a bit off color lately. And, well…considering what happened today…” he trailed off, looking away apologetically.
“It’s-nothing.”
“You’re not as great a liar as you’d like to think, Remus. Though I must admit, you’re better than Sirius. It’s quite pathetic, really, for a Marauder to not be able to lie effectively.”
Remus grinned reluctantly. “Okay, you got me. I’ve been worried about…about…”
“About?” James prompted, showing infinitely more patience than Remus would have dreamed possible from him.
“About…you know…being attracted to men. I hated keeping it to myself. It’s like the secret was gnawing at me from the inside, tearing me up. I wanted so badly to tell you, Sirius, Peter, anyone.” Remus ended in a whisper. As much as he had told Sirius he had come to accept his sexuality, he was scared to death of the reactions he expected.
“But you thought we’d reject you?” James patted Remus’s shoulder reassuringly. “We accepted the fact that you turn into a werewolf, so why wouldn’t we accept the fact that you like blokes?” He beamed, eliciting a weak smile from Remus.
“Thanks, James.”
“That’s not it, though, is it?” James took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for the worst. “What was the thing you pulled with Prewett?”
Remus couldn’t help it. He flinched, and James pulled back his hand, though his worried expression never wavered.
“I don’t know, James. I just-I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking at all. Something just-took over. And before I knew it, I was trying to suffocate Fabian with my tongue. I-when I saw Sirius, I just-” Remus suddenly clapped a hand to his mouth, realizing what he had just said.
“Sirius? I had a hunch this had something to do with dear old Padfoot.-What, Moony? You think I wouldn’t notice? Honestly, you two are completely obvious…and impossibly dense for the brightest students in our year.”
“That’s you, James. Not me.”
“Remus,” said James, fixing him with a piercing look. “Don’t underestimate yourself. You are one of the smartest students at Hogwarts. And don’t you forget it. Besides, you’re changing the subject. As I was saying, you and Padfoot are obvious. I mean, how could anyone miss the way you two grab nearly any and every chance to touch each other.”
“What?” Remus asked, startled. He knew he certainly did just what James had claimed, but Sirius? Impossible. “Sirius doesn’t-I know he’s gay, but he doesn’t fancy me, if that’s what you’re suggesting, James.”
“Why not?”
Remus lifted a sardonic eyebrow at his friend.
“Come on, Remus. Why wouldn’t he like you? I mean, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re a Marauder, you’re-”
“-A coward, a werewolf-”
“-The kindest person I’ve ever met,” James plowed on, pretending he hadn’t heard the comment. “You’re talented and handsome to boot.”
Remus snorted derisively, earning a sharp glare from James.
“You are, Remus. You’re very handsome.”
“Oh, really? Says who?”
“Says me. And”-James gritted his teeth a little-“Lily. And a lot of other girls, in fact. And Sirius. And Prewett, if his reaction to your little kiss was any indicator. You have quite a little fanclub, actually. If you just open your eyes a little, you’d see that you’re just as popular among the girls as Sirius or me. And probably among the closeted guys, as well. At least you will be once the word gets out about where your preferences lie.”
“Hey, wait a minute! As much as I appreciate your words of comfort, it’s your bloody fault that this whole thing blew up in my face.”
“What?” James asked with an expression of mock-surprise, his mouth twitching.
“Yes, you pompous git,” growled Remus, though his anger had quite dissipated by this time. “It was your stupid game that caused all this.”
“But wasn’t that a perfect excuse to come out?”
“I suppose so…I do feel better now that it’s out in the open. I can deal with keeping my lycanthropy a secret. I mean, I only have to face it once a month. But this-this is so much a part of who I am that it was hurting me not to let it out.”
“See? Every line has a silver trim.”
“I think it’s ‘every cloud has a silver lining.’”
“Whatever. Stupid Muggle proverbs.”
Remus chuckled.
“By the way, Sirius wants to talk to you, Rem.”
“Wha-what?” Remus asked, his voice strangling on his sudden panic.
“Sirius. He wants to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Beats me. He wanted to be the one to wake you, but I had a hunch his presence wouldn’t have quite achieved the goal of comforting you. Are you ready to talk to him?”
Remus shook his head, his heart sinking into his stomach. He didn’t think he could face Sirius after what he had done-after how Sirius had reacted.
James slid off the bed and bent down so that he was at Remus’s eye level. “He’s waiting outside the door. Should I tell him to come back later?”
“N-no. I’ll talk to him.”
“Good. And…uh…”-James shuffled his feet uncomfortably-“I was wondering if-if-a hug would make you feel better.”
“A hug?” Remus asked blankly. James nodded, his cheeks reddening a little. Remus couldn’t help the laugh that forced its way through his lips. The sight of his friend-the aloof and arrogant James Potter-offering a hug and blushing like a five year old made him want to roll around the floor in mirth.
“Sure, James,” he said when he regained control of himself. “A hug would be-nice.”
James grinned and kneeled on the bed, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Remus’s shoulders. The embrace, which Remus gratefully returned, was rather forceful but comforting. Remus smiled as they pulled apart.
“Thanks, James. I really needed that.”
“Don’t mention it, Moony.”
“I’m just surprised you don’t feel uncomfortable touching me.”
“Why would I feel uncomfortable?” James stared at him perplexedly before his eyes widened in comprehension. “Oh! But I told you. Your being gay doesn’t bother me in the least. Sirius told me a while ago, and I haven’t acted any differently around him.”
“You knew about Sirius?”
“Yep. Stupid prick’s too bloody conceited to keep it to himself. Don’t worry, Remus. There’s a reason why he didn’t tell you, and once you hear it, I’m sure you’ll understand. But I’ll let him give you that reason himself.”
James leaned over the bed and swept Remus into another quick embrace before walking over to the door and pulling it open.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sirius pressed his ear to the door, straining to hear the conversation taking place in the dormitory. He cursed the thick wood that muffled the words floating from the room beyond, making the sentences barely distinguishable from the laughs and grunts.
“…waiting outside the door…” said a voice that Sirius recognized immediately as James’s.
“…uncomfortable touching me…” said Remus.
Sirius only caught snatches of sentences and long lapses of silence.
Before he had time to react, the door he was leaning on pulled away, and Sirius stumbled clumsily into the room. Somewhere along the way he lost his balance and the wood floor rushed up to meet him.
He pushed himself up, rubbing ruefully at the spot where his head had connected with the ground. The first thing he saw was a pair of brown shoes, followed closely by the mocking face of their owner.
“Sirius,” James admonished with a stern glare. “Were you trying to eavesdrop? Because Moony here has just agreed to talk to you and I wouldn’t be making him mad, if I were you.” James’s face slowly broke out in a smile and he winked down at Sirius, holding out a hand to help him up.
James hauled him up and exited quickly, whispering a quiet but distinct “Good luck” on the way.
“Sirius?” called Remus’s trembling voice. Sirius traced it to his own bed, the closest to the door. The curtains were pulled around the head and foot of the bed, obscuring it from view.
Sirius cautiously walked around to face his friend. His heart nearly broke again at the wretched condition of the boy.
Remus’s eyes were red and swollen and rimmed with dusky blue rings. The dried out rivulets cut by tears were all-too-obvious in the afternoon sunlight rolling in waves through the window.
“Moony,” said Sirius, his voice suddenly hoarse and hesitant. Remus was carefully avoiding his eyes, and a faint blush had crept onto his cheeks.
“Sirius, you…uh…wanted to talk to me?”
“Huh?” Sirius mentally shook himself; he had been distracted by the curious way in which the light filtered through Remus’s hair, making him look as if he had a golden halo perched above his head.
“James said you wanted to talk to me,” repeated Remus, cocking his head inquisitively.
Sirius could feel his face burning-but from embarrassment or arousal he didn’t know. Nodding, he sat warily on the edge of the bed. His heart was threatening to force its way through his mouth. He still kept his gaze away from Remus, focusing instead on the loose threads on the blanket.
“I wanted to ask if you were okay. You’ve been acting strangely all year, and now…” he trailed off, not sure how to approach the topic delicately. He was never one for tact. “I’m just worried about you, Rem. I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”
“Siri, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. Today I just sort of-lost control. I don’t know why I did that.” Remus sniffed lightly, adding in a whisper, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t have any right to dictate what you do with your l-love life.”
“But you do. I want you to.” Remus said it almost casually, and it took a few seconds for the words to penetrate Sirius’s stagnant mind.
“You-what? What does that mean?”
“I mean, you’re my-friend. My best friend. That’s more important than any fling.”
“Oh, right,” Sirius said numbly. Remus continued to talk, but Sirius’s mind was stuck on what Remus had just said. Friend. That’s all I am…a friend. Who cares if I’m his best friend? I can never be anything more.
Remus abruptly lapsed into silence, shattering his reverie. Sirius turned around to finally face his friend and found that Remus had pressed up against the wall, silent tears running down his face.
Sirius-his body no longer under his control-immediately crossed the length of the bed on his knees and pulled Remus into his arms. A jolt of ecstasy spasmed down his spine the moment their bodies touched. Sirius ignored it-or tried to.
Instead of pulling away, like he had expected, Remus buried his face further in Sirius’s shirt and wrapped his arms firmly around his waist, fingers digging into his back. The sobs quickly subsided, but Remus clung on, and Sirius didn’t spare a thought on stopping him.
Remus and Sirius had embraced frequently in the past, but this was different. There was something decidedly-almost romantic-about this hug.
Sirius lost track of time, holding Remus in his arms. All too soon, the boy pulled away, face flushed and grinning sheepishly.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t be.”
Remus looked at him strangely, almost expectantly.
Sirius cleared his throat. The room was much too hot, but he was shivering.
“Uh…Remus. I have to tell you something. I…”-suddenly Sirius’s courage failed him, and he abruptly changed direction mid-sentence-“I picked your name out of the hat.” He did his best to keep himself from blushing, but his body refused to heed his control. “But you don’t have to-you know. I’m sure James and I can find an antidote to the spell we used. Even if we don’t, it’s only three months.” Sirius said all this in the space of four seconds, watching his friend anxiously.
Remus looked surprised-but not repulsed-and when he spoke, his voice was husky and strangely enticing. “You-got my name?”
Sirius nodded, feigning an immense interest in his fingernails. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Siri?” Remus’s face shone with a mixture of worry and apprehension. His speech came out in a breathy whisper. “I don’t mind. You can-kiss-me if you want. I understand if you don’t want to, but I don’t want you to end up with three months of purple pimples.”
“You’d do that? For me?”
“Only if you want me to.”
Sirius had not realized the boy was moving closer, but suddenly he felt Remus’s breath on his face. He hesitated, looking into the boy’s amber eyes and trying to decipher the emotions that spun under the surface.
“Remus?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes. But are you sure?”
“Positive,” Remus breathed, closing the painful gap between them.
Sirius closed his eyes at the contact. They moved their lips slowly in rhythm. Thoughts vanished; emotions took over. Sirius’s heart screamed in rapture as his nostrils filled with Remus’s musky scent. Remus’s lips felt soft and delicate between his own, and Sirius wound his hands around the boy’s waist, desperate for more contact. Remus’s fingers found their way into his hair, stroking the scalp sensually. The boy pressed closer, kneeling up so that he was now the one in control.
Remus’s tongue was doing amazing things to Sirius’s lower lip-and he wondered vaguely where Remus had learned to kiss. Teeth gently nipped at the tender flesh, causing him to moan in pleasure. Callused hands moved down the back of his neck, slipping quietly under the fabric of his shirt. Remus licked urgently at the parting of Sirius’s mouth, and Sirius gladly obliged. Remus was inside him instantly, sensuously rubbing his tongue against Sirius’s.
He couldn’t believe it, but Remus’s ministrations actually caused Sirius to whimper in lust. He was hardening fast, and he thoughtlessly pressed his hip against his friend’s only to find that there was already something stiff and rather insistent pushing back.
Before he could protest, Sirius was pushed down onto his back, the contact of the kiss never breaking. Remus’s hands had moved from Sirius’s shoulders to somewhere near his navel, pushing his shirt upwards. Sirius moaned and pulled Remus closer. The throbbing pain in his groin was becoming unbearable. Remus indulged him, thrusting slowly against his aching crotch.
“Mmm…Moony…”
Sirius broke their kiss, letting his head fall back in pleasure. His fingers were digging into the boy’s back. His breathing was coming in erratic gasps and pants.
“Ah! Remus, I’m going to-”
Remus let out a sound that was half chuckle, half growl. He moved his lips to Sirius’s neck, licking and sucking. His hand found Sirius’s nipple, and gently scratched it with the tip of a nail. Sirius lost any control he had right then, thrusting forcefully and eliciting a loud groan from the other boy. Remus squeezed his nipple hard, increasing the friction between their groins.
Sirius was no longer coherent. “Mmm…harder…Moony, please…I…need…harder.”
The pain and pleasure of it all was too much for him to handle-yet he wanted more. Sirius’s head felt as if he had taken one of the Muggle drugs his cousin had given him once. But this high was not the result of some synthetic chemical. This high was Remus-and Sirius was already addicted.
Remus abruptly pressed his lips to Sirius’s in a passionate kiss. The pressure between his thighs was at breaking point, and he arched his back to push even harder against Remus. The boy sucked on Sirius’s tongue, setting every one of his nerves on fire.
The rhythm of their rocking sped up. Remus’s lips pulled away in a loud cry as he convulsed. Sirius was not far behind. He climaxed a few thrusts later, quivering in ecstasy before falling back onto the bed, exhausted. Remus rolled off him and lay pressed against his side, panting feverishly.
It was only then that the realization of what they had done dawned on him.
Oh, shit.
-------------------------------------------------------------
James made his way down the stairs, confident in his friends’ abilities to sort themselves out. They would either finally admit their feelings for each other-or decide to be friends. Or they could kill each other in a monumental blood bath and come back as ghosts to haunt me.
He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, his thoughts still in the dormitory with his two best friends.
“James Potter.”
James jumped at the voice, whipping around to come face to face with-
“Lily.”
“Good afternoon, James,” Lily drawled sternly, her wand pointed between his eyes. Her red hair reflected the light in a way that made it look like her head was enveloped in flames. The image conjured up faint memories of playing the Magic card game with his Muggle neighbors-each card had an illustration of a “magical creature” and James’s favorite card had been one of a fire goddess.
He quickly shook himself of the thoughts.
“Uh…good afternoon, Lily,” he said, wincing when his voice cracked on the name. “Anything I can help you with?”
“So nice of you to ask, James.” Lily’s bottle green eyes glinted dangerously. She poked his nose with the tip of her wand, squashing it into his face. “Antidote. Now.”
“What?” James found himself backing up into the wall near the foot of the stairs. His heart pounded an enormous battle cry against his ribcage. Lily advanced on him.
“I want the antidote to whatever potion or spell you used on the Secret Snog parchments.”
“But-”
“Don’t make me hex you, Potter.” Lily jabbed at his nose threateningly.
“But-”
“Because if you don’t give me the antidote now, I won’t even hesitate to curse your sorry behind all the way to Timbuktu.” Despite the frostiness of her voice, James thought he detected an impish delight in her eyes. So beautiful…
“What?” Lily asked, startled.
“What?”
“You just said-what’s so beautiful?”
Damn. I can’t believe I said it out loud. James could feel the blood rush to his face, but he kept his voice casually nonchalant. “Nothing at all, Evans.”
Lily narrowed her eyes, the edge of coldness back. “So what about that antidote?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Come again?”
“I don’t have an antidote,” James repeated, this time in a slow, deliberate voice that he might take with a dimwitted child.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Really, Lily. There’s no antidote.”
“Then find one,” Lily hissed through her teeth.
“Why?”
“That’s really none of your business,” she replied coolly.
“Maybe if I knew what the problem was, I could help,” he snapped, then forced his voice into a much milder tone. “What’s wrong? You don’t like who you got?”
“No, I don’t bloody like who I got!”
James noted a slight hysteria to Lily’s voice that made him soften his attitude considerably. “What’s wrong, Lily?” he asked, his voice gentle.
His abrupt change in temperament seemed to take her off guard. She lowered her wand in shock, her jaw slack.
“Lily?”
“I-erm-I got the name of someone I used to-date.”
“Oh.”
“The relationship ended really badly. It’s been two years, but I don’t think I can kiss him.”
James suddenly felt horrible-for coming up with a game that fooled so much with people’s feelings, a game that brought so much emotion to the surface. He thought briefly of the trouble it had caused for his two friends.
“I’m”-James took in a deep breath, forcing the word out of his mouth-“sorry.”
“What? What did you say?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I thought it’d be a fun game. I didn’t mean for everything to go so wrong.” He was surprised at the words spilling from his mouth, but he felt oddly relieved, as if telling Lily had taken some of the guilt away.
“James.”
He snapped his head up at the tenderness in Lily’s voice. It was the first time she had said his name as if she really meant it.
“Did something else happen, James?”
James nodded dumbly, looking away. He didn’t want to betray his friends’ trust in him, but he wanted to badly to talk to someone about his mistake.
“Is it about Black and Remus?”
“What?” he sputtered.
Lily looked as if she was refraining from rolling her eyes. “Oh, please. We all saw Remus’s jealous French-fest in the Common Room.”
“Right,” he said shakily.
“James, don’t feel bad. It had to happen sooner or later. The tension between them was unbearable at times. Something was bound to trigger it. If it wasn’t this game, then it would have been something else. It wasn’t your fault.”
He nodded again, sighing. Lily patted his shoulder awkwardly; James tried his best to fight to idiotic grin threatening to erupt on his face at the unexpected touch.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook, though. I still want an antidote.”
James suddenly remembered his own Secret Snog, and groaned inwardly at the prospect of approaching Lily-especially after they had almost had a decently normal conversation without him making an utter fool of himself.
“I think I’m going to go to the library for a while.”
“Did I hear right?” Lily gasped mockingly. “James Potter, willingly going to the library?”
“Ha ha. If you must know, I’m going to research an antidote. It looks like I’m going to need it, too.”
“You?” Lily gave him a suspicious frown. “Don’t tell me. You cheated your way into getting my name and now you’re too ashamed to do it?”
“I didn’t cheat!” James seethed indignantly. “I got it fair and square.”
“So you did get my name?” Lily smirked as James realized what he had just admitted.
“I guess I did,” he said, trying to appear aloof. Why was it so hard to be laid-back when he was around this girl?
“I see.” Lily was giving him an odd look, as if trying to peer into his soul. James squirmed uncomfortably under the scrutiny. “Well, come on, then. We better get to the library.”
“We?”
Lily smiled at him, a true, genuine smile that made James feel like he was floating thirty feet in the air.
“Yes, we. Two heads are better than one, Potter.”
With that, Lily shoved her wand inside her pants pocket and headed in the direction of the portrait hole. James followed along like an obedient child, still trying to comprehend the finer points of their discussion.
Part 3
Author: _demonsblade_
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, James/Lily
Rating: R
Genre: Romance, fluff, humor, angst
Warning: Slash, boy/boy snogging, twisted Secret Santa games, man sex, angst, dominant!Remus, bottom!Remus
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: All characters © J.K. Rowling. Trust me...if I owned them, it so wouldn't be a children's series.
Summary: James and Sirius decide to set up a game of Secret Snog for Valentine's Day, and convince Remus into joining. Rule: You must snog the person whose name you pick out of the hat. Who'll get to snog our two favorite canines? MWPP Era.
Teaser:
The pain and pleasure of it all was too much for him to handle-yet he wanted more. Sirius’s head felt as if he had taken one of the Muggle drugs his cousin had given him once. But this high was not the result of some synthetic chemical. This high was Remus-and Sirius was already addicted.
Remus hadn’t realized he had dozed off until he was shaken awake by a rough but comforting hand.
He blinked sleepily, wincing at the pain in his swollen eyes. “James?”
The image of his best friend smiled down on him, and Remus sat up slowly, putting a hand to his throbbing head.
“May I?” asked James, gesturing toward the bed.
“Oh, uh…sure.” Remus scooted to make room for James, who sank down cross-legged onto the bed beside him, looking concerned.
“Is everything all right, Remus?” James began. “You’ve been a bit off color lately. And, well…considering what happened today…” he trailed off, looking away apologetically.
“It’s-nothing.”
“You’re not as great a liar as you’d like to think, Remus. Though I must admit, you’re better than Sirius. It’s quite pathetic, really, for a Marauder to not be able to lie effectively.”
Remus grinned reluctantly. “Okay, you got me. I’ve been worried about…about…”
“About?” James prompted, showing infinitely more patience than Remus would have dreamed possible from him.
“About…you know…being attracted to men. I hated keeping it to myself. It’s like the secret was gnawing at me from the inside, tearing me up. I wanted so badly to tell you, Sirius, Peter, anyone.” Remus ended in a whisper. As much as he had told Sirius he had come to accept his sexuality, he was scared to death of the reactions he expected.
“But you thought we’d reject you?” James patted Remus’s shoulder reassuringly. “We accepted the fact that you turn into a werewolf, so why wouldn’t we accept the fact that you like blokes?” He beamed, eliciting a weak smile from Remus.
“Thanks, James.”
“That’s not it, though, is it?” James took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for the worst. “What was the thing you pulled with Prewett?”
Remus couldn’t help it. He flinched, and James pulled back his hand, though his worried expression never wavered.
“I don’t know, James. I just-I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking at all. Something just-took over. And before I knew it, I was trying to suffocate Fabian with my tongue. I-when I saw Sirius, I just-” Remus suddenly clapped a hand to his mouth, realizing what he had just said.
“Sirius? I had a hunch this had something to do with dear old Padfoot.-What, Moony? You think I wouldn’t notice? Honestly, you two are completely obvious…and impossibly dense for the brightest students in our year.”
“That’s you, James. Not me.”
“Remus,” said James, fixing him with a piercing look. “Don’t underestimate yourself. You are one of the smartest students at Hogwarts. And don’t you forget it. Besides, you’re changing the subject. As I was saying, you and Padfoot are obvious. I mean, how could anyone miss the way you two grab nearly any and every chance to touch each other.”
“What?” Remus asked, startled. He knew he certainly did just what James had claimed, but Sirius? Impossible. “Sirius doesn’t-I know he’s gay, but he doesn’t fancy me, if that’s what you’re suggesting, James.”
“Why not?”
Remus lifted a sardonic eyebrow at his friend.
“Come on, Remus. Why wouldn’t he like you? I mean, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re a Marauder, you’re-”
“-A coward, a werewolf-”
“-The kindest person I’ve ever met,” James plowed on, pretending he hadn’t heard the comment. “You’re talented and handsome to boot.”
Remus snorted derisively, earning a sharp glare from James.
“You are, Remus. You’re very handsome.”
“Oh, really? Says who?”
“Says me. And”-James gritted his teeth a little-“Lily. And a lot of other girls, in fact. And Sirius. And Prewett, if his reaction to your little kiss was any indicator. You have quite a little fanclub, actually. If you just open your eyes a little, you’d see that you’re just as popular among the girls as Sirius or me. And probably among the closeted guys, as well. At least you will be once the word gets out about where your preferences lie.”
“Hey, wait a minute! As much as I appreciate your words of comfort, it’s your bloody fault that this whole thing blew up in my face.”
“What?” James asked with an expression of mock-surprise, his mouth twitching.
“Yes, you pompous git,” growled Remus, though his anger had quite dissipated by this time. “It was your stupid game that caused all this.”
“But wasn’t that a perfect excuse to come out?”
“I suppose so…I do feel better now that it’s out in the open. I can deal with keeping my lycanthropy a secret. I mean, I only have to face it once a month. But this-this is so much a part of who I am that it was hurting me not to let it out.”
“See? Every line has a silver trim.”
“I think it’s ‘every cloud has a silver lining.’”
“Whatever. Stupid Muggle proverbs.”
Remus chuckled.
“By the way, Sirius wants to talk to you, Rem.”
“Wha-what?” Remus asked, his voice strangling on his sudden panic.
“Sirius. He wants to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Beats me. He wanted to be the one to wake you, but I had a hunch his presence wouldn’t have quite achieved the goal of comforting you. Are you ready to talk to him?”
Remus shook his head, his heart sinking into his stomach. He didn’t think he could face Sirius after what he had done-after how Sirius had reacted.
James slid off the bed and bent down so that he was at Remus’s eye level. “He’s waiting outside the door. Should I tell him to come back later?”
“N-no. I’ll talk to him.”
“Good. And…uh…”-James shuffled his feet uncomfortably-“I was wondering if-if-a hug would make you feel better.”
“A hug?” Remus asked blankly. James nodded, his cheeks reddening a little. Remus couldn’t help the laugh that forced its way through his lips. The sight of his friend-the aloof and arrogant James Potter-offering a hug and blushing like a five year old made him want to roll around the floor in mirth.
“Sure, James,” he said when he regained control of himself. “A hug would be-nice.”
James grinned and kneeled on the bed, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Remus’s shoulders. The embrace, which Remus gratefully returned, was rather forceful but comforting. Remus smiled as they pulled apart.
“Thanks, James. I really needed that.”
“Don’t mention it, Moony.”
“I’m just surprised you don’t feel uncomfortable touching me.”
“Why would I feel uncomfortable?” James stared at him perplexedly before his eyes widened in comprehension. “Oh! But I told you. Your being gay doesn’t bother me in the least. Sirius told me a while ago, and I haven’t acted any differently around him.”
“You knew about Sirius?”
“Yep. Stupid prick’s too bloody conceited to keep it to himself. Don’t worry, Remus. There’s a reason why he didn’t tell you, and once you hear it, I’m sure you’ll understand. But I’ll let him give you that reason himself.”
James leaned over the bed and swept Remus into another quick embrace before walking over to the door and pulling it open.
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Sirius pressed his ear to the door, straining to hear the conversation taking place in the dormitory. He cursed the thick wood that muffled the words floating from the room beyond, making the sentences barely distinguishable from the laughs and grunts.
“…waiting outside the door…” said a voice that Sirius recognized immediately as James’s.
“…uncomfortable touching me…” said Remus.
Sirius only caught snatches of sentences and long lapses of silence.
Before he had time to react, the door he was leaning on pulled away, and Sirius stumbled clumsily into the room. Somewhere along the way he lost his balance and the wood floor rushed up to meet him.
He pushed himself up, rubbing ruefully at the spot where his head had connected with the ground. The first thing he saw was a pair of brown shoes, followed closely by the mocking face of their owner.
“Sirius,” James admonished with a stern glare. “Were you trying to eavesdrop? Because Moony here has just agreed to talk to you and I wouldn’t be making him mad, if I were you.” James’s face slowly broke out in a smile and he winked down at Sirius, holding out a hand to help him up.
James hauled him up and exited quickly, whispering a quiet but distinct “Good luck” on the way.
“Sirius?” called Remus’s trembling voice. Sirius traced it to his own bed, the closest to the door. The curtains were pulled around the head and foot of the bed, obscuring it from view.
Sirius cautiously walked around to face his friend. His heart nearly broke again at the wretched condition of the boy.
Remus’s eyes were red and swollen and rimmed with dusky blue rings. The dried out rivulets cut by tears were all-too-obvious in the afternoon sunlight rolling in waves through the window.
“Moony,” said Sirius, his voice suddenly hoarse and hesitant. Remus was carefully avoiding his eyes, and a faint blush had crept onto his cheeks.
“Sirius, you…uh…wanted to talk to me?”
“Huh?” Sirius mentally shook himself; he had been distracted by the curious way in which the light filtered through Remus’s hair, making him look as if he had a golden halo perched above his head.
“James said you wanted to talk to me,” repeated Remus, cocking his head inquisitively.
Sirius could feel his face burning-but from embarrassment or arousal he didn’t know. Nodding, he sat warily on the edge of the bed. His heart was threatening to force its way through his mouth. He still kept his gaze away from Remus, focusing instead on the loose threads on the blanket.
“I wanted to ask if you were okay. You’ve been acting strangely all year, and now…” he trailed off, not sure how to approach the topic delicately. He was never one for tact. “I’m just worried about you, Rem. I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”
“Siri, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. Today I just sort of-lost control. I don’t know why I did that.” Remus sniffed lightly, adding in a whisper, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t have any right to dictate what you do with your l-love life.”
“But you do. I want you to.” Remus said it almost casually, and it took a few seconds for the words to penetrate Sirius’s stagnant mind.
“You-what? What does that mean?”
“I mean, you’re my-friend. My best friend. That’s more important than any fling.”
“Oh, right,” Sirius said numbly. Remus continued to talk, but Sirius’s mind was stuck on what Remus had just said. Friend. That’s all I am…a friend. Who cares if I’m his best friend? I can never be anything more.
Remus abruptly lapsed into silence, shattering his reverie. Sirius turned around to finally face his friend and found that Remus had pressed up against the wall, silent tears running down his face.
Sirius-his body no longer under his control-immediately crossed the length of the bed on his knees and pulled Remus into his arms. A jolt of ecstasy spasmed down his spine the moment their bodies touched. Sirius ignored it-or tried to.
Instead of pulling away, like he had expected, Remus buried his face further in Sirius’s shirt and wrapped his arms firmly around his waist, fingers digging into his back. The sobs quickly subsided, but Remus clung on, and Sirius didn’t spare a thought on stopping him.
Remus and Sirius had embraced frequently in the past, but this was different. There was something decidedly-almost romantic-about this hug.
Sirius lost track of time, holding Remus in his arms. All too soon, the boy pulled away, face flushed and grinning sheepishly.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t be.”
Remus looked at him strangely, almost expectantly.
Sirius cleared his throat. The room was much too hot, but he was shivering.
“Uh…Remus. I have to tell you something. I…”-suddenly Sirius’s courage failed him, and he abruptly changed direction mid-sentence-“I picked your name out of the hat.” He did his best to keep himself from blushing, but his body refused to heed his control. “But you don’t have to-you know. I’m sure James and I can find an antidote to the spell we used. Even if we don’t, it’s only three months.” Sirius said all this in the space of four seconds, watching his friend anxiously.
Remus looked surprised-but not repulsed-and when he spoke, his voice was husky and strangely enticing. “You-got my name?”
Sirius nodded, feigning an immense interest in his fingernails. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Siri?” Remus’s face shone with a mixture of worry and apprehension. His speech came out in a breathy whisper. “I don’t mind. You can-kiss-me if you want. I understand if you don’t want to, but I don’t want you to end up with three months of purple pimples.”
“You’d do that? For me?”
“Only if you want me to.”
Sirius had not realized the boy was moving closer, but suddenly he felt Remus’s breath on his face. He hesitated, looking into the boy’s amber eyes and trying to decipher the emotions that spun under the surface.
“Remus?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes. But are you sure?”
“Positive,” Remus breathed, closing the painful gap between them.
Sirius closed his eyes at the contact. They moved their lips slowly in rhythm. Thoughts vanished; emotions took over. Sirius’s heart screamed in rapture as his nostrils filled with Remus’s musky scent. Remus’s lips felt soft and delicate between his own, and Sirius wound his hands around the boy’s waist, desperate for more contact. Remus’s fingers found their way into his hair, stroking the scalp sensually. The boy pressed closer, kneeling up so that he was now the one in control.
Remus’s tongue was doing amazing things to Sirius’s lower lip-and he wondered vaguely where Remus had learned to kiss. Teeth gently nipped at the tender flesh, causing him to moan in pleasure. Callused hands moved down the back of his neck, slipping quietly under the fabric of his shirt. Remus licked urgently at the parting of Sirius’s mouth, and Sirius gladly obliged. Remus was inside him instantly, sensuously rubbing his tongue against Sirius’s.
He couldn’t believe it, but Remus’s ministrations actually caused Sirius to whimper in lust. He was hardening fast, and he thoughtlessly pressed his hip against his friend’s only to find that there was already something stiff and rather insistent pushing back.
Before he could protest, Sirius was pushed down onto his back, the contact of the kiss never breaking. Remus’s hands had moved from Sirius’s shoulders to somewhere near his navel, pushing his shirt upwards. Sirius moaned and pulled Remus closer. The throbbing pain in his groin was becoming unbearable. Remus indulged him, thrusting slowly against his aching crotch.
“Mmm…Moony…”
Sirius broke their kiss, letting his head fall back in pleasure. His fingers were digging into the boy’s back. His breathing was coming in erratic gasps and pants.
“Ah! Remus, I’m going to-”
Remus let out a sound that was half chuckle, half growl. He moved his lips to Sirius’s neck, licking and sucking. His hand found Sirius’s nipple, and gently scratched it with the tip of a nail. Sirius lost any control he had right then, thrusting forcefully and eliciting a loud groan from the other boy. Remus squeezed his nipple hard, increasing the friction between their groins.
Sirius was no longer coherent. “Mmm…harder…Moony, please…I…need…harder.”
The pain and pleasure of it all was too much for him to handle-yet he wanted more. Sirius’s head felt as if he had taken one of the Muggle drugs his cousin had given him once. But this high was not the result of some synthetic chemical. This high was Remus-and Sirius was already addicted.
Remus abruptly pressed his lips to Sirius’s in a passionate kiss. The pressure between his thighs was at breaking point, and he arched his back to push even harder against Remus. The boy sucked on Sirius’s tongue, setting every one of his nerves on fire.
The rhythm of their rocking sped up. Remus’s lips pulled away in a loud cry as he convulsed. Sirius was not far behind. He climaxed a few thrusts later, quivering in ecstasy before falling back onto the bed, exhausted. Remus rolled off him and lay pressed against his side, panting feverishly.
It was only then that the realization of what they had done dawned on him.
Oh, shit.
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James made his way down the stairs, confident in his friends’ abilities to sort themselves out. They would either finally admit their feelings for each other-or decide to be friends. Or they could kill each other in a monumental blood bath and come back as ghosts to haunt me.
He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, his thoughts still in the dormitory with his two best friends.
“James Potter.”
James jumped at the voice, whipping around to come face to face with-
“Lily.”
“Good afternoon, James,” Lily drawled sternly, her wand pointed between his eyes. Her red hair reflected the light in a way that made it look like her head was enveloped in flames. The image conjured up faint memories of playing the Magic card game with his Muggle neighbors-each card had an illustration of a “magical creature” and James’s favorite card had been one of a fire goddess.
He quickly shook himself of the thoughts.
“Uh…good afternoon, Lily,” he said, wincing when his voice cracked on the name. “Anything I can help you with?”
“So nice of you to ask, James.” Lily’s bottle green eyes glinted dangerously. She poked his nose with the tip of her wand, squashing it into his face. “Antidote. Now.”
“What?” James found himself backing up into the wall near the foot of the stairs. His heart pounded an enormous battle cry against his ribcage. Lily advanced on him.
“I want the antidote to whatever potion or spell you used on the Secret Snog parchments.”
“But-”
“Don’t make me hex you, Potter.” Lily jabbed at his nose threateningly.
“But-”
“Because if you don’t give me the antidote now, I won’t even hesitate to curse your sorry behind all the way to Timbuktu.” Despite the frostiness of her voice, James thought he detected an impish delight in her eyes. So beautiful…
“What?” Lily asked, startled.
“What?”
“You just said-what’s so beautiful?”
Damn. I can’t believe I said it out loud. James could feel the blood rush to his face, but he kept his voice casually nonchalant. “Nothing at all, Evans.”
Lily narrowed her eyes, the edge of coldness back. “So what about that antidote?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Come again?”
“I don’t have an antidote,” James repeated, this time in a slow, deliberate voice that he might take with a dimwitted child.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Really, Lily. There’s no antidote.”
“Then find one,” Lily hissed through her teeth.
“Why?”
“That’s really none of your business,” she replied coolly.
“Maybe if I knew what the problem was, I could help,” he snapped, then forced his voice into a much milder tone. “What’s wrong? You don’t like who you got?”
“No, I don’t bloody like who I got!”
James noted a slight hysteria to Lily’s voice that made him soften his attitude considerably. “What’s wrong, Lily?” he asked, his voice gentle.
His abrupt change in temperament seemed to take her off guard. She lowered her wand in shock, her jaw slack.
“Lily?”
“I-erm-I got the name of someone I used to-date.”
“Oh.”
“The relationship ended really badly. It’s been two years, but I don’t think I can kiss him.”
James suddenly felt horrible-for coming up with a game that fooled so much with people’s feelings, a game that brought so much emotion to the surface. He thought briefly of the trouble it had caused for his two friends.
“I’m”-James took in a deep breath, forcing the word out of his mouth-“sorry.”
“What? What did you say?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I thought it’d be a fun game. I didn’t mean for everything to go so wrong.” He was surprised at the words spilling from his mouth, but he felt oddly relieved, as if telling Lily had taken some of the guilt away.
“James.”
He snapped his head up at the tenderness in Lily’s voice. It was the first time she had said his name as if she really meant it.
“Did something else happen, James?”
James nodded dumbly, looking away. He didn’t want to betray his friends’ trust in him, but he wanted to badly to talk to someone about his mistake.
“Is it about Black and Remus?”
“What?” he sputtered.
Lily looked as if she was refraining from rolling her eyes. “Oh, please. We all saw Remus’s jealous French-fest in the Common Room.”
“Right,” he said shakily.
“James, don’t feel bad. It had to happen sooner or later. The tension between them was unbearable at times. Something was bound to trigger it. If it wasn’t this game, then it would have been something else. It wasn’t your fault.”
He nodded again, sighing. Lily patted his shoulder awkwardly; James tried his best to fight to idiotic grin threatening to erupt on his face at the unexpected touch.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook, though. I still want an antidote.”
James suddenly remembered his own Secret Snog, and groaned inwardly at the prospect of approaching Lily-especially after they had almost had a decently normal conversation without him making an utter fool of himself.
“I think I’m going to go to the library for a while.”
“Did I hear right?” Lily gasped mockingly. “James Potter, willingly going to the library?”
“Ha ha. If you must know, I’m going to research an antidote. It looks like I’m going to need it, too.”
“You?” Lily gave him a suspicious frown. “Don’t tell me. You cheated your way into getting my name and now you’re too ashamed to do it?”
“I didn’t cheat!” James seethed indignantly. “I got it fair and square.”
“So you did get my name?” Lily smirked as James realized what he had just admitted.
“I guess I did,” he said, trying to appear aloof. Why was it so hard to be laid-back when he was around this girl?
“I see.” Lily was giving him an odd look, as if trying to peer into his soul. James squirmed uncomfortably under the scrutiny. “Well, come on, then. We better get to the library.”
“We?”
Lily smiled at him, a true, genuine smile that made James feel like he was floating thirty feet in the air.
“Yes, we. Two heads are better than one, Potter.”
With that, Lily shoved her wand inside her pants pocket and headed in the direction of the portrait hole. James followed along like an obedient child, still trying to comprehend the finer points of their discussion.
Part 3