Take My Hand And Dive Head-First Into Concrete
Anymore, I hate updating this. I am always afraid that something I say will cause drama, and its pointless anyway because who really reads it? No one and if they do, its all just because they are bored.
Lately I've felt like shit. I just feel like I am losing everyone and I dont want that to happen. I am deathly afraid of losing Sam. I wouldnt be able to handle that and I think everyone can see I am having enough trouble just dealing with her not coming to the same school. She told me a long time ago that I had to be optomistic, and I have been trying so hard to stay optomistic. Today it was impossible though. I didnt really feel like anyone was there for me, at all. I dont even know why...nothing happened to cause it. I just needed to hear that everything was going to be okay. I miss having Sam here, I can say things to her that make absolutely no sense and she still understands it, and I dont have to explain myself to her, she just knows me. I mean, Alyssa does too, but I feel bad pushing it all off on her. It was always Sam and Alyssa, my best friends, they were there for me...but now its Alyssa and Sam when I get to talk to her. I cant help but be jealous of people that are lucky enough to see someone that has moved away. June 18th, last day of school, didnt see her until September 18th...and I havent seen her since then. It kills me.
Good news. I MIGHT GET TO SEE HER MONDAY!!!!! I'll be a loser and cry over it, and never want to let go. She'll get to see Dan too, which is always fun. I am jealous of Dan, he gets to see her so much and her weekends are usually spent with him. I would never take that away from her though, she deserves to be with Dan and be happy, she needs it.
I felt horrible for not noticing Charlie wasnt happy this morning. I really wanted to cry because I am paranoid and I worry that people dont realize I care. So me, Michelle, and Alyssa ran around trying to find him during break but we couldnt. So we went out next break and found him. I gave him a hug and then we went back to shop.
The rest of my day I spent hiding the fact that I wasnt the happiest person. I had to swim alone today.
On the bus ride home Charlie wasnt happy, Alyssa slept, Jessica slept and I tried really hard not to cry but it didnt work. No one noticed, because well they were either sleeping or looking out the window.
Tomorrow is a half day. =D
I need to write over the weekend to some people. I suck at the communicating game, and I just really need to explain some things I guess. I would feel less guilty if I did, so I think I will. I dont want to lose anyone.
Lately I've felt like shit. I just feel like I am losing everyone and I dont want that to happen. I am deathly afraid of losing Sam. I wouldnt be able to handle that and I think everyone can see I am having enough trouble just dealing with her not coming to the same school. She told me a long time ago that I had to be optomistic, and I have been trying so hard to stay optomistic. Today it was impossible though. I didnt really feel like anyone was there for me, at all. I dont even know why...nothing happened to cause it. I just needed to hear that everything was going to be okay. I miss having Sam here, I can say things to her that make absolutely no sense and she still understands it, and I dont have to explain myself to her, she just knows me. I mean, Alyssa does too, but I feel bad pushing it all off on her. It was always Sam and Alyssa, my best friends, they were there for me...but now its Alyssa and Sam when I get to talk to her. I cant help but be jealous of people that are lucky enough to see someone that has moved away. June 18th, last day of school, didnt see her until September 18th...and I havent seen her since then. It kills me.
Good news. I MIGHT GET TO SEE HER MONDAY!!!!! I'll be a loser and cry over it, and never want to let go. She'll get to see Dan too, which is always fun. I am jealous of Dan, he gets to see her so much and her weekends are usually spent with him. I would never take that away from her though, she deserves to be with Dan and be happy, she needs it.
I felt horrible for not noticing Charlie wasnt happy this morning. I really wanted to cry because I am paranoid and I worry that people dont realize I care. So me, Michelle, and Alyssa ran around trying to find him during break but we couldnt. So we went out next break and found him. I gave him a hug and then we went back to shop.
The rest of my day I spent hiding the fact that I wasnt the happiest person. I had to swim alone today.
On the bus ride home Charlie wasnt happy, Alyssa slept, Jessica slept and I tried really hard not to cry but it didnt work. No one noticed, because well they were either sleeping or looking out the window.
Tomorrow is a half day. =D
I need to write over the weekend to some people. I suck at the communicating game, and I just really need to explain some things I guess. I would feel less guilty if I did, so I think I will. I dont want to lose anyone.