my oldest friend
hello my cinzi-pie. I don't know where to begin this but I do know I want to start off with saying i'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend....since the dawn of time. I've only realized recently(yes really, my head is super far up my own ass) that I when you've extended invitations for me to go places I should have been less focused on myself and my crazy anxieties and more focused on the fact that you wanted to spend time with me. Even after all the years, you still wanted to spend time with me. I've been trying to live a more positive life, I can't always be a shining beacon of sunlight but I'm putting more effort into my happiness and the happiness of those around me. I'm trying to be better for myself and for the people who choose to stick around, like you! I still don't know where I'm going with this... I guess what I'm trying to say again is sorry. Sorry for being an over-anxious self centered a-hole. I should have seen things from your perspective and being a constantly-cancelling-non-dependable-never-sure-if-she'll-actually-come-outside kind of person must be exhausting to deal with for 12 years. I can totally see why you don't even bother these days. I would have stopped bothering YEARS ago if I were in your position.
Hopefully we can start over. I can try my very best to stick to commitments when you offer them, but hopefully you can keep assuring me when I start to panic and almost barf. I need the little pushes you give, even when I say no due to my anxieties I ALWAYS without a doubt wish I had said yes. EVERY SINGLE TIME I wish I said ''yes". I owe you ten billion "i'm sorries" for being a flakey douche-bag and I never give them when I disappoint you which is often. I have a huge ego, what can I say. I can't even make a list of all the times I've disappointing you, it would take too long. If I tried to make one where you disappointed me, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything. Nothing at all.
I wanted to write you a ten billion page letter but hopefully I managed to get my point across in just these few short words. Now I'm all teary eyed and feeling silly so I'll just leave this here for you to read.
-Tess
Hopefully we can start over. I can try my very best to stick to commitments when you offer them, but hopefully you can keep assuring me when I start to panic and almost barf. I need the little pushes you give, even when I say no due to my anxieties I ALWAYS without a doubt wish I had said yes. EVERY SINGLE TIME I wish I said ''yes". I owe you ten billion "i'm sorries" for being a flakey douche-bag and I never give them when I disappoint you which is often. I have a huge ego, what can I say. I can't even make a list of all the times I've disappointing you, it would take too long. If I tried to make one where you disappointed me, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything. Nothing at all.
I wanted to write you a ten billion page letter but hopefully I managed to get my point across in just these few short words. Now I'm all teary eyed and feeling silly so I'll just leave this here for you to read.
-Tess