(no subject)
Mike,
First of all, I can't believe I still love you 10 months later. I guess you were my first love.
I hate you. I hate you so much for sitting motionless as my heart broke in two and millions of tears streamed down my face. I hate how you can be so low and have no inkling of emotion towards someone who loves you for every flaw and imperfection you have. I hate how I still love you and how I dream about you almost every night. I hate waking up crying because of those dreams, and treating them as nightmares. I hate having to wake up and think of something else to dream about because I can't bear the pain of seeing you in my head. I hate still crying over you. I hate how I can't tell you how I really feel. I hate how you still want to "fuck" me but don't care about my heart or the person I am inside. I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I don't do that when I'm not in a relationship with someone. And even if I did, shouldn't you, my ex boyfriend who broke my heart, be the one person I don't go near? I hate how weak you make me. I hate how choked up I get thinking about you. I hate how different I thought you were. I hate how everyone told me you had become so different with me and I wasn't just a piece of ass. I hate that I loved you for a year and a half and in an instant it ended. I hate how I got so used to being next to you everynight. I hate how when I wake up in the morning I don't see your face anymore. I hate how I feel like I don't have the strength to get over you. I hate how you're so far away. I hate how much I loved your mom. I hate how I would tease and say how much I hated a song you loved or a team you loved just to cause conflict. I hate how I fucked up. I hate how you use me now. I hate how I'm willing to wait all of my life for you. I hate how people say they understand but really have no idea what I go through. I hate how I can't tell you all of this in person for fear of what you might say. I hate how you call me when you're drunk and how I pick up just to hear your voice one more time. I hate how people say you don't deserve me. I hate how I know they're right. I hate how perfect our relationship was, because it makes watching it fail so much harder. I hate seeing so many people so happy together and wishing you were here again. I hate wishing I could go back to senior year to cherish that time more. I hate laying in bed watching a movie imagining you next to me. I hate reminiscing, but somehow I find a peace within and a smile as the outcome. I hate how this Christmas I won't be with you. I hate how I'll think of you anytime UF plays Alabama. I hate how your fraternity got in the way of so much but you ended up dropping it after we broke up. I hate how things haven't worked out.
I wish you would come back. I hope you still are. I pray for the strength to tell you everything I'm telling all these people who don't know the real me. I wonder if you still think of me. I cry when I hear your name. I fall to pieces everytime because you aren't there to catch me. I know everything will work out for the best. I want it to be with you. I'll wait. Time makes it harder. Why am I going through this? I'll never forget you telling me ich lebe diche. I'll remember telling you tu ojos son mas bonitos. I hate not ever telling you what I meant. I hope you understand. I pray time will tell.
Yours, forever:
Goober
(Sorry, this is extremely intense and personal, but I need to get it off my chest.)
First of all, I can't believe I still love you 10 months later. I guess you were my first love.
I hate you. I hate you so much for sitting motionless as my heart broke in two and millions of tears streamed down my face. I hate how you can be so low and have no inkling of emotion towards someone who loves you for every flaw and imperfection you have. I hate how I still love you and how I dream about you almost every night. I hate waking up crying because of those dreams, and treating them as nightmares. I hate having to wake up and think of something else to dream about because I can't bear the pain of seeing you in my head. I hate still crying over you. I hate how I can't tell you how I really feel. I hate how you still want to "fuck" me but don't care about my heart or the person I am inside. I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I don't do that when I'm not in a relationship with someone. And even if I did, shouldn't you, my ex boyfriend who broke my heart, be the one person I don't go near? I hate how weak you make me. I hate how choked up I get thinking about you. I hate how different I thought you were. I hate how everyone told me you had become so different with me and I wasn't just a piece of ass. I hate that I loved you for a year and a half and in an instant it ended. I hate how I got so used to being next to you everynight. I hate how when I wake up in the morning I don't see your face anymore. I hate how I feel like I don't have the strength to get over you. I hate how you're so far away. I hate how much I loved your mom. I hate how I would tease and say how much I hated a song you loved or a team you loved just to cause conflict. I hate how I fucked up. I hate how you use me now. I hate how I'm willing to wait all of my life for you. I hate how people say they understand but really have no idea what I go through. I hate how I can't tell you all of this in person for fear of what you might say. I hate how you call me when you're drunk and how I pick up just to hear your voice one more time. I hate how people say you don't deserve me. I hate how I know they're right. I hate how perfect our relationship was, because it makes watching it fail so much harder. I hate seeing so many people so happy together and wishing you were here again. I hate wishing I could go back to senior year to cherish that time more. I hate laying in bed watching a movie imagining you next to me. I hate reminiscing, but somehow I find a peace within and a smile as the outcome. I hate how this Christmas I won't be with you. I hate how I'll think of you anytime UF plays Alabama. I hate how your fraternity got in the way of so much but you ended up dropping it after we broke up. I hate how things haven't worked out.
I wish you would come back. I hope you still are. I pray for the strength to tell you everything I'm telling all these people who don't know the real me. I wonder if you still think of me. I cry when I hear your name. I fall to pieces everytime because you aren't there to catch me. I know everything will work out for the best. I want it to be with you. I'll wait. Time makes it harder. Why am I going through this? I'll never forget you telling me ich lebe diche. I'll remember telling you tu ojos son mas bonitos. I hate not ever telling you what I meant. I hope you understand. I pray time will tell.
Yours, forever:
Goober
(Sorry, this is extremely intense and personal, but I need to get it off my chest.)