For Him..
Dear you,
It seems just like yesterday when you were filling my head with all the lies. And I accepted everyone like a forbidden fruit. Its now occurring to me that every question that was asked to the other party, and the answers given where just that, forbidden fruit, lies, deceit. You promised we would stay in contact. And I promised we would get through this TOGETHER. I didn't say we would do it alone. I said TOGETHER. But I guess that was never good enough. Was that much of a bitch? That much of a terrible girlfriend/fiance/ wife? I tried to be there for you the best I could, I tried to stay as strong as I could for the both of us. Was that not good enough? Was I just something to help you pass the time? You told me before you meet me, a part of you was dead, you were empty. You told me if you ever lost me you would feel like you were dying, like you were empty once again. You begged me not to kill you, not to make you empty. I stayed by your side. I came back to you. It was really you who I loved all a long. You know that. You know how much it was killing me to be with Sam, when it was all a lie. I know I fucked up on somethings... but I don't I deserve to be treated much better then this? To just get a text telling me to move on? I don't know rather it's a front or the truth anymore. I can't even tell the fiction from the truth. My heart is telling me one thing and my mind another. I don't know which to listen to. I don't want to set myself up for another fall, but yet I know I can't be with anyone else. And even if I were,it would all be a lie. The feelings for them would never be as strong as the ones I have for you. The love I was giving them would never be the same. I let myself worry, way more then I should have, about you. I just wish you would tell me what I did wrong, if anything. If this was all a sick joke.. I know you didn't believe me anymore when I said I love you, why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it? You want me to be open and honest with you, yet you can't even be with me? I told you what Sam told me and you told me it wasn't true. And yet I find out, you really was falling for her all along. If you decided you wanted to be with her instead of me, why don't you just tell me? I wouldn't have stopped it. I wouldn't have stood in your way. Is Keith even real? Or just you in a disguise to show you're crush/love for her? Just be open and honest with me, that's all I ask. Even if I don't like the truth. You asked me if I wanted to change, and I told you yes. I meant it, and I have.. a little at a time but it's a start. And where are you to even be told this? No where. I lied to my school. I told them I had to go take care of my husband for all those days I missed when I was worried about you. I lied to my friends. I lied to my family. I lied to my work. And most of all, I lied to myself. I had myself fitting rather finely into the wife/mother role. In fact, my motherly instincts are now stronger then ever, according to Ami. We had a 'show and tell' period in my human relations, where we had to show what motivated us. I showed them a picture of you and Gabe, my favorite picture of you too. And I told them you two were my motivation and my world. That was not a lie. I've been changing to better myself for us, and to be a better mother to Gabe and to our kids we have later on. Please don't make this be for nothing... I plead this is not for nothing. I beg and plead this 'move on' is all a front, and just something you have to do because you are constantly being watched. Even if its not... It's alright. It's fine. We are untitled to break a few promises here and there. I know a broke plenty of them when you were laying in the hospital bed. And I fell really horrible about that... I do. I am just hoping you keep all your promises.. But if I have to.. I will move on.
I love you and I miss you dearly..
I will be happy when this is all over and we can fully talk again without risk of you losing Gabe on my behalf... maybe then things will be resolved and settled and we can come to an agreement and figure out our relationship. (If there is even still one to be said for)
Love Always,
Mav
It seems just like yesterday when you were filling my head with all the lies. And I accepted everyone like a forbidden fruit. Its now occurring to me that every question that was asked to the other party, and the answers given where just that, forbidden fruit, lies, deceit. You promised we would stay in contact. And I promised we would get through this TOGETHER. I didn't say we would do it alone. I said TOGETHER. But I guess that was never good enough. Was that much of a bitch? That much of a terrible girlfriend/fiance/ wife? I tried to be there for you the best I could, I tried to stay as strong as I could for the both of us. Was that not good enough? Was I just something to help you pass the time? You told me before you meet me, a part of you was dead, you were empty. You told me if you ever lost me you would feel like you were dying, like you were empty once again. You begged me not to kill you, not to make you empty. I stayed by your side. I came back to you. It was really you who I loved all a long. You know that. You know how much it was killing me to be with Sam, when it was all a lie. I know I fucked up on somethings... but I don't I deserve to be treated much better then this? To just get a text telling me to move on? I don't know rather it's a front or the truth anymore. I can't even tell the fiction from the truth. My heart is telling me one thing and my mind another. I don't know which to listen to. I don't want to set myself up for another fall, but yet I know I can't be with anyone else. And even if I were,it would all be a lie. The feelings for them would never be as strong as the ones I have for you. The love I was giving them would never be the same. I let myself worry, way more then I should have, about you. I just wish you would tell me what I did wrong, if anything. If this was all a sick joke.. I know you didn't believe me anymore when I said I love you, why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it? You want me to be open and honest with you, yet you can't even be with me? I told you what Sam told me and you told me it wasn't true. And yet I find out, you really was falling for her all along. If you decided you wanted to be with her instead of me, why don't you just tell me? I wouldn't have stopped it. I wouldn't have stood in your way. Is Keith even real? Or just you in a disguise to show you're crush/love for her? Just be open and honest with me, that's all I ask. Even if I don't like the truth. You asked me if I wanted to change, and I told you yes. I meant it, and I have.. a little at a time but it's a start. And where are you to even be told this? No where. I lied to my school. I told them I had to go take care of my husband for all those days I missed when I was worried about you. I lied to my friends. I lied to my family. I lied to my work. And most of all, I lied to myself. I had myself fitting rather finely into the wife/mother role. In fact, my motherly instincts are now stronger then ever, according to Ami. We had a 'show and tell' period in my human relations, where we had to show what motivated us. I showed them a picture of you and Gabe, my favorite picture of you too. And I told them you two were my motivation and my world. That was not a lie. I've been changing to better myself for us, and to be a better mother to Gabe and to our kids we have later on. Please don't make this be for nothing... I plead this is not for nothing. I beg and plead this 'move on' is all a front, and just something you have to do because you are constantly being watched. Even if its not... It's alright. It's fine. We are untitled to break a few promises here and there. I know a broke plenty of them when you were laying in the hospital bed. And I fell really horrible about that... I do. I am just hoping you keep all your promises.. But if I have to.. I will move on.
I love you and I miss you dearly..
I will be happy when this is all over and we can fully talk again without risk of you losing Gabe on my behalf... maybe then things will be resolved and settled and we can come to an agreement and figure out our relationship. (If there is even still one to be said for)
Love Always,
Mav