I won't live if you died, if I can feel you in the wind
I never liked Christmas much since Mom died. There's just something about knowing somebody's missing -- somebody who should be here still. The Christmas after she died, I tried really hard to think of good memories of the holidays with her, and I know there were a lot of them, but... I couldn't come up with anything specific. I know I could always ask Buffy, but she has her own things to get through.
It's even worse this year, because Xander's girlfriend was just killed. We found out, and Willow went right over to him. I'm glad she did. I just--. I'm not sure I'll know what to say to him. What do you say? "I'm sorry" doesn't even start to cover it, you know?
/--firewalled against everyone--/
And right after I first heard, I started crying and I couldn't stop for a long time, because all I could think was what if something happened to Avasa? I felt selfish because I wasn't really crying for Maddie then... having to keep secrets takes its toll on you after awhile. But I love him so much, and I know if my sister knew, she'd make me stop seeing him. Because I know she wants what's best for me, and she wouldn't understand that what's best for me is him.
I wish I could go see him right now, just to have him hold me. That would make things as okay as they're gonna get. But I can't.
/--end firewall--/
Janice called. She wants me to go with her to take Jordy his present. I guess I'll go. There's nothing I can really do about anything sitting here and worrying about it.
It's even worse this year, because Xander's girlfriend was just killed. We found out, and Willow went right over to him. I'm glad she did. I just--. I'm not sure I'll know what to say to him. What do you say? "I'm sorry" doesn't even start to cover it, you know?
/--firewalled against everyone--/
And right after I first heard, I started crying and I couldn't stop for a long time, because all I could think was what if something happened to Avasa? I felt selfish because I wasn't really crying for Maddie then... having to keep secrets takes its toll on you after awhile. But I love him so much, and I know if my sister knew, she'd make me stop seeing him. Because I know she wants what's best for me, and she wouldn't understand that what's best for me is him.
I wish I could go see him right now, just to have him hold me. That would make things as okay as they're gonna get. But I can't.
/--end firewall--/
Janice called. She wants me to go with her to take Jordy his present. I guess I'll go. There's nothing I can really do about anything sitting here and worrying about it.