this whole thing came about actually after he had deleted a number of my comments on his facebook and then some new girl leaves one about if he got the message she left "this morning" - i went nuts and figured someone will only leave a message in the morning if she had been thinking about him all night... kind of psychotic on my part but i have become very paranoid and distrusting since he ended the relationship in march. he has kept in touch ever since and has called a few times each month since, and only a couple of days ago told me that he's not with some other girl - but i know at some point he will be, and i know i can't handle that.
i cut off the last part because it just said a series of "W is not online" or "Darra is not online" (my FB chat gets screwed up like that but i assume he logged off right after my last reply). the part about me doing him a favor by not talking to him was under the assumption that he didn't really care too much about talking to me in the first place... and i have to admit was a passive aggressive and provocative move on my part. i guess i just wanted a reaction from him... i've become rather desperate to find out what he truly feels about all this.
anyway last night i texted him almost exactly what you said... that i am sad that things have changed and that i don't think i can be JUST friends - and no reply. which is valid - he is giving me exactly what i asked for. i thought it would be easier for me to just get him out of my life but now i'm thinking i may have spoken too soon.
but really, what i've been waiting for this whole time (since he came to visit last week and even after that) was for him to let me know how HE feels. he started to say some stuff one night but he was completely drunk and i didn't feel comfortable having that conversation with him in that state, and definitely not at sonic at 3 in the morning after he yelled at the carhop, so i told him to save it for the next day but we never got around to it.
he says he wants to be friends but he also sends mixed signals - wanting to share my bed, telling me not to go and meet guys at the club, getting uncomfortable when my male friends call me - but yes, maybe at some point he can figure out what he really wants and hopefully by then i will be fine with being JUST friends.
please, feel free to give your two cents on this. i hope to hear from you again soon.
Ahhh, see, now that you reveal more of the details, it's clear he's not innocent in the game-playing either. The good news is that you get the opportunity to call the shots and be the smart healthy one.
Believe me, I know all about saying things I'm not sure I mean just to get a response, any response, out of someone. As we both probably know, the consequences are rarely what we're looking for or intend. You two are dancing a strange dance, for sure. Visiting for a week, wanting to share a bed, jealousy, declarations that there are no other girls? Sure, friends do that, but usually there is something else, at least some other stronger undertones going on. I shared a bed with a "friend" a long time ago and could never catch a minute of sleep because the three inches that separated us was maddening.
I humbly suggest you take some time, as hard as it will be, and see if you can't revisit a more healthy friendship with him down the road. One that has clearer boundaries and fewer expectations that are more relative to intimate relationships than fun friendships.
p.s. would you agree with me about my assumption on someone leaving a message in the morning only if they had been thinking about it all night? or am i being paranoid?
this whole thing came about actually after he had deleted a number of my comments on his facebook and then some new girl leaves one about if he got the message she left "this morning" - i went nuts and figured someone will only leave a message in the morning if she had been thinking about him all night... kind of psychotic on my part but i have become very paranoid and distrusting since he ended the relationship in march. he has kept in touch ever since and has called a few times each month since, and only a couple of days ago told me that he's not with some other girl - but i know at some point he will be, and i know i can't handle that.
i cut off the last part because it just said a series of "W is not online" or "Darra is not online" (my FB chat gets screwed up like that but i assume he logged off right after my last reply). the part about me doing him a favor by not talking to him was under the assumption that he didn't really care too much about talking to me in the first place... and i have to admit was a passive aggressive and provocative move on my part. i guess i just wanted a reaction from him... i've become rather desperate to find out what he truly feels about all this.
anyway last night i texted him almost exactly what you said... that i am sad that things have changed and that i don't think i can be JUST friends - and no reply. which is valid - he is giving me exactly what i asked for. i thought it would be easier for me to just get him out of my life but now i'm thinking i may have spoken too soon.
but really, what i've been waiting for this whole time (since he came to visit last week and even after that) was for him to let me know how HE feels. he started to say some stuff one night but he was completely drunk and i didn't feel comfortable having that conversation with him in that state, and definitely not at sonic at 3 in the morning after he yelled at the carhop, so i told him to save it for the next day but we never got around to it.
he says he wants to be friends but he also sends mixed signals - wanting to share my bed, telling me not to go and meet guys at the club, getting uncomfortable when my male friends call me - but yes, maybe at some point he can figure out what he really wants and hopefully by then i will be fine with being JUST friends.
please, feel free to give your two cents on this. i hope to hear from you again soon.
Reply
Believe me, I know all about saying things I'm not sure I mean just to get a response, any response, out of someone. As we both probably know, the consequences are rarely what we're looking for or intend. You two are dancing a strange dance, for sure. Visiting for a week, wanting to share a bed, jealousy, declarations that there are no other girls? Sure, friends do that, but usually there is something else, at least some other stronger undertones going on. I shared a bed with a "friend" a long time ago and could never catch a minute of sleep because the three inches that separated us was maddening.
I humbly suggest you take some time, as hard as it will be, and see if you can't revisit a more healthy friendship with him down the road. One that has clearer boundaries and fewer expectations that are more relative to intimate relationships than fun friendships.
Take care!
Reply
p.s.
would you agree with me about my assumption on someone leaving a message in the morning only if they had been thinking about it all night? or am i being paranoid?
Reply
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