UGHHHHH
I so have a lot more to write about than just bitching, yet never seem to find the time for that. But right now I just need to get shit out before I go nuts.
It's very weird, I never thought missing karaoke would be such a big thing for me. Since I've been here, we've gone out to do karaoke twice. The first time, I sang one song, and went home in a shitty mood. Tonight, I didn't even get to sing cause it was taking so long and we got annoyed and left. Once again, I came home in a shitty mood.
I can't help it. I'm fucking depressed. I knew I would be when I got here, and that it'll just take some time to build up a life, and that's ok. I'm managing it pretty well, through sheer willpower. I lost my fucking job yesterday for missing 3 days in a row for being sick. I'm also just tired of being sick (it's been like 5 days, and I'm getting better, but I hate feeling like crap.) I've got this ridiculous crush that I just can't seem to get over. My house is a mess. No matter how much I exercise and diet, I'm not losing nearly as much weight as I want to. I fucking quit smoking and it's driving me nuts. And I just want to fucking sing karaoke!!!
Ok, so I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, right? See, I would think so, too. But it occurred to me tonight just HOW much of a release karaoke was for me. It's my own personal brand of therapy. Yes, partly cause alcohol goes along with it, but it has a power that alcohol alone never does. So what if I sound like shit? I'm totally not there for other people. But going out, and having those few minutes on a stage with a mic, screaming out a song I really love...just does something for me. It relaxes me. It releases all the tension I've been holding. It lifts my spirit just enough to make me comfortable again. And I've gone six months without it.
I know just how lame this all sounds. But it's really startin to make sense to me why I just feel on edge all the time. It only occurred to me once I was about to sing, then had to leave. I've really gotta get out more.
It's very weird, I never thought missing karaoke would be such a big thing for me. Since I've been here, we've gone out to do karaoke twice. The first time, I sang one song, and went home in a shitty mood. Tonight, I didn't even get to sing cause it was taking so long and we got annoyed and left. Once again, I came home in a shitty mood.
I can't help it. I'm fucking depressed. I knew I would be when I got here, and that it'll just take some time to build up a life, and that's ok. I'm managing it pretty well, through sheer willpower. I lost my fucking job yesterday for missing 3 days in a row for being sick. I'm also just tired of being sick (it's been like 5 days, and I'm getting better, but I hate feeling like crap.) I've got this ridiculous crush that I just can't seem to get over. My house is a mess. No matter how much I exercise and diet, I'm not losing nearly as much weight as I want to. I fucking quit smoking and it's driving me nuts. And I just want to fucking sing karaoke!!!
Ok, so I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, right? See, I would think so, too. But it occurred to me tonight just HOW much of a release karaoke was for me. It's my own personal brand of therapy. Yes, partly cause alcohol goes along with it, but it has a power that alcohol alone never does. So what if I sound like shit? I'm totally not there for other people. But going out, and having those few minutes on a stage with a mic, screaming out a song I really love...just does something for me. It relaxes me. It releases all the tension I've been holding. It lifts my spirit just enough to make me comfortable again. And I've gone six months without it.
I know just how lame this all sounds. But it's really startin to make sense to me why I just feel on edge all the time. It only occurred to me once I was about to sing, then had to leave. I've really gotta get out more.