Wouldn't Be Surprised - A Short Story
It's cold. Nevermind cold, fucking freezing. I don't know if I've ever been this cold before in my life. I look at the thermostat. Nineteen degrees farhenheit, it says. It lies. Negative nineteen maybe. Hell, it might as well be negative nineteen hundred. So fucking cold. Hell would be nice right about now. I'd stroll in and say, "Hey Luc, how about we throw another body on the fire and have a beer?" I'd give anything to be warm right now. I'd give anything.
I can see my breath, even with the fire going. Isn't that some shit? This fire has been blazing for six full hours now, and not a bit of heat have I felt. I shouldn't have eatten those mushrooms Jonny gave to me. That's what did me in. Tell you what though, I'm never doing 'shrooms again. Fuck the hallucinations, I can't feel my fucking toes! It's so cold, I stopped shivering an hour ago. Just put my arms around my knees and my head on my arms. Closed my eyes and put my back to the flames. Been sitting here ever since.
I don't know why I even agreed to camp out with Jonny and David. I don't even like them. The only reason they asked me is because Jonny doesn't have a car and David got his license suspended for a DUI. This is my reward. Numbness, complete fucking numbness. I don't have to lift my head to see them sleeping next to the fire. How they're sleeping without zero-degree sleeping bags is beyond me. Hell, David was practically naked when I looked at him an hour ago. Well if their balls fall off, they deserve it.
So fucking cold. Sun should be up soon though. Another fifteen minutes and the alarm will go off and we can leave this goddamned place. Heh, if I even make it that long. I wouldn't be surprised if I stood up and found myself dead. A frozen corpse huddling for warmth. Then what would those two dumbass oompa-loompas do? Probably drag my icy ass to the river and throw me in, then take my car for a joy ride. They better hope that I'm dead then, cause this is the last time I do shit for them.
There's the alarm now. I stand up and walk over to them, kicking them awake. They both look around groggily. "Hey George, wake up!" Jonny says, "Time to pack up and blow." I almost kick Jonny again. I am awake you moron, who do you think kicked you, a ghost?
David looks across the fire, "George you bum, come on, go start up the car." I've had it. I'm half way to the car when I realize I'm forgot my keys. Turning back I hear Jonny yell something to me, but I can't make it out, just "George? GEORGE?!" David's screaming some high pitched school girl scream. God, that sound could wake the dead.
When I get there, they're both staring at something, but they're blocking it with their two oversized jock bodies. I walk around them to see what could possibly scare two football idiots.
Despite what I said, I was surprised.
Copyright © 2005 Michael P. Cammarota
I can see my breath, even with the fire going. Isn't that some shit? This fire has been blazing for six full hours now, and not a bit of heat have I felt. I shouldn't have eatten those mushrooms Jonny gave to me. That's what did me in. Tell you what though, I'm never doing 'shrooms again. Fuck the hallucinations, I can't feel my fucking toes! It's so cold, I stopped shivering an hour ago. Just put my arms around my knees and my head on my arms. Closed my eyes and put my back to the flames. Been sitting here ever since.
I don't know why I even agreed to camp out with Jonny and David. I don't even like them. The only reason they asked me is because Jonny doesn't have a car and David got his license suspended for a DUI. This is my reward. Numbness, complete fucking numbness. I don't have to lift my head to see them sleeping next to the fire. How they're sleeping without zero-degree sleeping bags is beyond me. Hell, David was practically naked when I looked at him an hour ago. Well if their balls fall off, they deserve it.
So fucking cold. Sun should be up soon though. Another fifteen minutes and the alarm will go off and we can leave this goddamned place. Heh, if I even make it that long. I wouldn't be surprised if I stood up and found myself dead. A frozen corpse huddling for warmth. Then what would those two dumbass oompa-loompas do? Probably drag my icy ass to the river and throw me in, then take my car for a joy ride. They better hope that I'm dead then, cause this is the last time I do shit for them.
There's the alarm now. I stand up and walk over to them, kicking them awake. They both look around groggily. "Hey George, wake up!" Jonny says, "Time to pack up and blow." I almost kick Jonny again. I am awake you moron, who do you think kicked you, a ghost?
David looks across the fire, "George you bum, come on, go start up the car." I've had it. I'm half way to the car when I realize I'm forgot my keys. Turning back I hear Jonny yell something to me, but I can't make it out, just "George? GEORGE?!" David's screaming some high pitched school girl scream. God, that sound could wake the dead.
When I get there, they're both staring at something, but they're blocking it with their two oversized jock bodies. I walk around them to see what could possibly scare two football idiots.
Despite what I said, I was surprised.
Copyright © 2005 Michael P. Cammarota