please don't lose hope
Everytime I write in here is usually only when I'm upset, to vent, which is why I sound so depressed. I never write in here when I've had a good day, or have good news, so really life isn't that bad to be honest. Sometimes I just get so fed up and at least when I write in here it feels good just to get it all out, with noone judging, no one to say anything back, and it feels good to be able to just say what I want.
Everything has been going okay. Work is still a bitch, I hate serving and can't wait until I don't have to do it anymore. The girls I work with are pretty sweet though and it's good to have some friends there.
I got my lip pierced, on the bottom, the the right. Al paid for it, which was awesome. I just got a little stud and I love it, I think it really suits me in a way that noone will understand but myself. I had a job interview today and they said I'd have to take it out to work there, so I don't think I'll work there. I've only had it for 3 days!
My cat, Gin, got fixed and seems to be happy as a peach. She has a cone on her head but sleeps all day and cuddles and loves everyone. She's so cute and I love her, she's my friend.
Al painted his old bmx for me. Bubblegum pink and purple. It's pretty sweet and I like it alot except it's taking a while to get used to riding. He gave me his old xbox too which I need to get fixed. It's the small things like painted, old, bikes that really matter more than getting something brand new. I like it a lot more and I think it has a lot more meaning behind it. Everytime I see it, it makes me smile.
I love Al to death, even though we've been having problems lately. We fight a lot, we just disagree with so much and I feel like he's a child at heart where I am really mature, I always have been, and sometimes that gets in the way. He never remembers anything and often repeats mistakes, which I consider him not caring enough to try. His family still doesn't let me come around which is a bitch, I will never ever apologize to them without getting one in return. I am sick of apologizing to people when I feel I have done nothing wrong or feel that I deserve an apology as well. I deserve some respect and I have let enough happen in my past that allowed people to walk all over me, I don't want to anymore. It makes me so mad that they act this way and it hurts not only Al and myself but it hurts our relationship as well and causes fights. It will be hard to have a future with this negativity constantly looming in our relationship. I am willing to work around it, but it's hard and it's hard not to break down. I call my mom crying a lot because of it and she usually helps but it hurts so much and breaks my heart.
I never understood how people can't be as forgiving as I am, how people can't just let things go and TALK to others and discuss things rather than holding things in and keeping grudges. I would never want to hurt anyone in my life and if I did I would want them to tell me so I could make it better or at least say sorry. Noones perfect, but I never want to make someone feel the way I have felt before, ever. I hate mean people and I hate rude, unsensitive, disrespectful people who care more about themselves than other people. Unfortunately, a lot of people fall into those categories and as my mom says, there will always be someone your life that does something to hurt you, even if they don't mean to.
I just really want to do my best to keep negative people out of my life. I dealt with enough shit in highschool. I don't want to be friends with people who think it's okay to talk behind people behind their back, who don't support me, who backstab eachother, and who can't discuss problems. I feel like I can finally say that the people in my life are all people I have chosen to have and that they are all good friends. I distance myself from negative people, which is why the whole situation with Al and his family is so hurtful. I love Al but sadly he brings negativity into my life, which is something I am going to have to deal with because I love him. I just with things could just be good with us, but I guess things in life never are perfect.
Everything has been going okay. Work is still a bitch, I hate serving and can't wait until I don't have to do it anymore. The girls I work with are pretty sweet though and it's good to have some friends there.
I got my lip pierced, on the bottom, the the right. Al paid for it, which was awesome. I just got a little stud and I love it, I think it really suits me in a way that noone will understand but myself. I had a job interview today and they said I'd have to take it out to work there, so I don't think I'll work there. I've only had it for 3 days!
My cat, Gin, got fixed and seems to be happy as a peach. She has a cone on her head but sleeps all day and cuddles and loves everyone. She's so cute and I love her, she's my friend.
Al painted his old bmx for me. Bubblegum pink and purple. It's pretty sweet and I like it alot except it's taking a while to get used to riding. He gave me his old xbox too which I need to get fixed. It's the small things like painted, old, bikes that really matter more than getting something brand new. I like it a lot more and I think it has a lot more meaning behind it. Everytime I see it, it makes me smile.
I love Al to death, even though we've been having problems lately. We fight a lot, we just disagree with so much and I feel like he's a child at heart where I am really mature, I always have been, and sometimes that gets in the way. He never remembers anything and often repeats mistakes, which I consider him not caring enough to try. His family still doesn't let me come around which is a bitch, I will never ever apologize to them without getting one in return. I am sick of apologizing to people when I feel I have done nothing wrong or feel that I deserve an apology as well. I deserve some respect and I have let enough happen in my past that allowed people to walk all over me, I don't want to anymore. It makes me so mad that they act this way and it hurts not only Al and myself but it hurts our relationship as well and causes fights. It will be hard to have a future with this negativity constantly looming in our relationship. I am willing to work around it, but it's hard and it's hard not to break down. I call my mom crying a lot because of it and she usually helps but it hurts so much and breaks my heart.
I never understood how people can't be as forgiving as I am, how people can't just let things go and TALK to others and discuss things rather than holding things in and keeping grudges. I would never want to hurt anyone in my life and if I did I would want them to tell me so I could make it better or at least say sorry. Noones perfect, but I never want to make someone feel the way I have felt before, ever. I hate mean people and I hate rude, unsensitive, disrespectful people who care more about themselves than other people. Unfortunately, a lot of people fall into those categories and as my mom says, there will always be someone your life that does something to hurt you, even if they don't mean to.
I just really want to do my best to keep negative people out of my life. I dealt with enough shit in highschool. I don't want to be friends with people who think it's okay to talk behind people behind their back, who don't support me, who backstab eachother, and who can't discuss problems. I feel like I can finally say that the people in my life are all people I have chosen to have and that they are all good friends. I distance myself from negative people, which is why the whole situation with Al and his family is so hurtful. I love Al but sadly he brings negativity into my life, which is something I am going to have to deal with because I love him. I just with things could just be good with us, but I guess things in life never are perfect.