(no subject)

[_dance_whore_]

i feel like every day i lose another part of myself to school work and college. writing these essays is supposed to help me find myself. but what's the point of knowing who youa re if you're not that person anymore by the end of it all?

It just feels too impossible to live life as much as I want to

there is just too much to do

and i feel like the bad guy....

wanting to accomplish this
to get in
to get the grades

like the place has already been reserved for someone else

and I've come to steal what I don't deserve

I don't know why this feels so wrong.

I have a feeling that even if I get in and do all this, I'll still feel like a failure. and no one will be surprised or glad. it's not about my driven and dedicated climb to the top. it's not about me at all.

at this point i jsut want to leave central behind with all the reputations and impressions currently lashed to my arms and legs and around my head and back masking what I am now with what I used to be.

it's not fair.

I thought I could prove something by doing this. and i feel like all i'm proving is how easy it is to  lose sight of your dreams

I have too much anger and hate in me and that's  what turns everything i do and touch sour. when did i rot so?