(no subject)
I know that blaming him won't get me anywhere, and it won't make things better, but for some reason I can't help it, I feel like I was finally on the way to happy and anything good inside me he killed. and that was followed by whole onslaught of things events that killed anything I had left in me, anything that could possible help me find happiness. I can't move on. I can't let go. and I can't forget. so where do I go from here?
I feel dead inside, completely dead. I have no fun anymore, I loathe my closest friends and I can't decide if that's their fault or mine...although I believe if there was life in me I'd feel differently about them or maybe I'd have better friends. either way I guess my hatred towards them in the end is me.
All I want for christmas in my heart back, my pure untortured heart that forgave everyone, that had fun, and that beat everyday so loudly I couldn't mistake myself for dead...
All I want for christmas is to wake up tomorrow and feel whole again. I bet that won't happen... at the very least I'd like to find joy in life again, joy in friends, joy in waking up in the morning ...but I don't think I'll get that either... instead I'll get an ipod maybe it'll help me drown out the noise of you people who are living your life, I'm jealous but I don't know how to do it with you all anymore
I just wish I could stop thinking about all the pain, and live the life I want to...I just don't know how to, I don't see the point, I have no drive no ambition I'm a fraud....
I'm tired of pretending, I'm not ok...
I feel dead inside, completely dead. I have no fun anymore, I loathe my closest friends and I can't decide if that's their fault or mine...although I believe if there was life in me I'd feel differently about them or maybe I'd have better friends. either way I guess my hatred towards them in the end is me.
All I want for christmas in my heart back, my pure untortured heart that forgave everyone, that had fun, and that beat everyday so loudly I couldn't mistake myself for dead...
All I want for christmas is to wake up tomorrow and feel whole again. I bet that won't happen... at the very least I'd like to find joy in life again, joy in friends, joy in waking up in the morning ...but I don't think I'll get that either... instead I'll get an ipod maybe it'll help me drown out the noise of you people who are living your life, I'm jealous but I don't know how to do it with you all anymore
I just wish I could stop thinking about all the pain, and live the life I want to...I just don't know how to, I don't see the point, I have no drive no ambition I'm a fraud....
I'm tired of pretending, I'm not ok...