(no subject)
I'm over it ...
I know that we are two very different people, with different lives, and different goals ... I know this, and I'm glad that 'we' didn't ruin too much of my life
I got subpoenaed today for his case, and I called to see if there was anything inpaticular he wanted me to say or not say...and some how he mentioned the girlfriend ... ick ... and it hurt ... he said they fight alot, but yet he's with her, I thought that we fought so much we needed to break up ... it made me feel incredibly low ... I just wish I knew why I wasn't good enough, what makes her better ... I know these are things I'm most definitly not suppose to ask myself, but I do wonder and it does bother and hurt me ... I just loved him so much, why was I so unlovable ...
One day none of this will matter I know, one day this will all be a distant memory, a memory of another life, but right now, it's a wound that is constantly trying to heal, but I continuosly pick the scab and reopen it ... I can allow myself to forget how I felt for him ... I don't anymore, sometimes I don't even like him, most the time ... But I know that if I found something to love about him once, I know there's still something there ... something special ... or maybe I just hoped there was ... maybe I'm still hoping ...
I guess I just have to believe that one day someone will see something special in me ... and they'll see that I am good enough ...
It hurts, I can't deny that ...
I know that we are two very different people, with different lives, and different goals ... I know this, and I'm glad that 'we' didn't ruin too much of my life
I got subpoenaed today for his case, and I called to see if there was anything inpaticular he wanted me to say or not say...and some how he mentioned the girlfriend ... ick ... and it hurt ... he said they fight alot, but yet he's with her, I thought that we fought so much we needed to break up ... it made me feel incredibly low ... I just wish I knew why I wasn't good enough, what makes her better ... I know these are things I'm most definitly not suppose to ask myself, but I do wonder and it does bother and hurt me ... I just loved him so much, why was I so unlovable ...
One day none of this will matter I know, one day this will all be a distant memory, a memory of another life, but right now, it's a wound that is constantly trying to heal, but I continuosly pick the scab and reopen it ... I can allow myself to forget how I felt for him ... I don't anymore, sometimes I don't even like him, most the time ... But I know that if I found something to love about him once, I know there's still something there ... something special ... or maybe I just hoped there was ... maybe I'm still hoping ...
I guess I just have to believe that one day someone will see something special in me ... and they'll see that I am good enough ...
It hurts, I can't deny that ...