it's only teenage wasteland.
You're not by my side
and i just don’t know what to make of all this anymore.
part of me is head over heels for the guy who makes me
feel nothing but beautiful, another part just feels...
defeated in every aspect of her life.
and i’m falling [again] into some unknown
territory i can’t even make out, some unknown
emotion i can’t even feel.
but it’s there. and you’re nearby.
and always in my memory
headthoughtsmindsoulemotion.
everything’s in check but my
hearts outta line.
you’re not by my side.
and i’m missing your smile.
i think time has stopped just for me,
lets see how much of a fool i can
make of myself as i try to figure out
all these unanswered questions.
and what am i supposed to feel?
i counted the bruises yesterday,
my hearts fading away,
when are you coming home?
when will i ever be able to understand?
Yesterday I hung out w/ Anais and Victoria, it was fun<3. It's ridiculous I go to bed at 9, wakeup at 1:30 in the morning and go back to sleep around 4, and it's ugh. I hate myself bc I'm not good enough for the one guy I love. I'm really inadequate. &It hurts. So bad. I'm not enough right for someone I like.. I'm not right for, anyone. I never have been. And people ask me why I get so upset, I have people who love me and a good family and everything, stop thinking about myself. I was born into being unwanted, that's why I was adopted. No one has a place to tell me everything's going to be okay, bc it may not. And then I'd just be hurt. I know you try to help but it screws with my mind bc I'm too vulnerable to see what's right in front of me. I'm alone and insecure and sometimes life isn't worth living. I'm not even making sense, but I've cried enough for one day.
Ex 0hsweet: if you dont liek me you can just say so
TheStranger19: no, i swear
TheStranger19: u can ask anyone on the bus
Ex 0hsweet: well the note asked if you would ever go out w/ me
TheStranger19: it was with danielle armaniaco
Ex 0hsweet: you know i'm like in love with you
TheStranger19: colleen
Ex 0hsweet: yes
TheStranger19: i
TheStranger19: well, i always just thought
TheStranger19: thought of us as friends
TheStranger19: good friends
TheStranger19: perhaps close friends
TheStranger19: oh god, i feel like an asshole
TheStranger19: i dont mean to be mean
TheStranger19: i just dont think we'd be..
TheStranger19: well...
TheStranger19: right
TheStranger19: for eachjother
Ex 0hsweet: right
TheStranger19: im sorry
Ex 0hsweet: it's okay brad
Ex 0hsweet: i'm sorry
TheStranger19: dont be
TheStranger19: why should u be?
Ex 0hsweet: a wholel ot of reasons why
Ex 0hsweet: for wasting my time on you
Ex 0hsweet: and makgin you feel uncomfortable
TheStranger19: its ok
TheStranger19: r we still friends?
(I wrote Brad a note, he 'lost' it on the bus I suppose)
I just found a friend
in one of your lies
to treat me so nice
i can't believe my bones
when they say so many things
they tell me i am fine
believe me i, i try
Oooh oooh oooh...
Ever so sweet...
you make this seem
the way things go
its not my fault
and i'll miss
i'll miss you so good
through all of those nights
we lost our way back home
Ever so sweet
you baked it in cakes for me.
What you left behind,
it hurts my teeth.
Bring in the past
with the postcards you sent for me.
Every line,
it brings me right back down.
Can't you see the wall you built for me
can't you see the wall you built for me
can't you see the wall you built for me
Cause we're not special
we're not special
we're not special
Well i'm not special
i'm not special
Ever so sweet
you baked it in cakes for me.
What you left behind,
it hurts my teeth.
Bring in the past
with the postcards you sent for me.
Every line,
it brings me right back down.