Apr 05, 2007 19:21
ooookay
so i'm feeling way way way overwhelmed right now and just like i am in complete lock down, which is a very scary feeling indeed.
let me lay it out for you.
it all started when i found out i was failing math. this is because of the millions of classes i've missed trying to fix my insides. that failure might put my scholarship in jeopardy. no good at all. not at all. so i have to get on that.
then erica nad michelle asked if i wanted to live with them next year. of course i did, but i had no idea if i was even gonna live in boston. so i told them no so they wouldnt be screwed if i agreed and then had to back out.
then i had a little freak out because i was all 'what the hell am i doing with my life next year'. jon was like, 'come to florida with me!" so i was like 'okay!' and then about five minutes later he was like 'actually no, im gonna come back and stay in boston another year'. so okay. then he asks if he can get in on the michelle/erica/lizzy apartment deal, so of course yes. he can. this gave me some peace of mind for the time being because at least i know ill be here in boston next year and still at northeastern. one headache gone.
then though, he springs on me that he doesnt want to work at camp anymore. if he doesnt and allie doesnt and lauren doesnt and paige doesnt then am i supposed to go back alone? no. if they arent in, im not in and the whole place goes down the tubes. literally what will they do? i feel like we're sabotaging them. i think i just spelled that wrong. anyways, what the fuck. so basically if im not going to camp then i need to stay here and work all summer full time so i can save up for rent for next year and not have to be completely destitute. jon wants me to go down to tallahassee with him. if he goes, i dont want it to be alone because he will just waste away those three months of his life getting drunk, smoking lots of pot and skating. which sounds great. i feel like, at least if i was there, it would discourage him from indulging. plus, who wants that distance? not me again. but he's so fucking impulsive, i can never tell when he's gonna change his mind. he said he wasn't sure yet. great. i'm on the edge of my seat. i hope he decides to do camp. they need it and he needs it and i need it.
so then today i had to schedule my classes and register for them which was just really stressful and upsetting.
then we went apartment hunting. we decided to take the second one we saw. it's beautiful, but a little pricey. i feel like we rushed it, but also like we wouldnt be able to find anything better at all. so we (or michelle [thank you/love you baby]) put down the $3000 deposit, locking us in for next september to august.
basically everything is rapidly being set into place and i just feel like im going to explode.
i guess we'll see.
in other news, me and jon are going to new york for the day (finally) on easter. i'm excited.