im not sleeping... im just resting my eyes.
please sew my eyelids shut, life is so much easier with closed eyes... but hey who wants simplicity??? ::raises hand:: meeeeee!! hah. its like, no matter how hard i try this shit will never go away. everrrr. why the fuck do i bother? just to fail... oh yeah because im stupid :) a normal person would have given up long ago... but when you're name is cristina alexis you look for excuses to keep on going. you even start to make things up. whatever will help you to rest your little coconut head at night. give you some sense of security that you arent fighting a losing battle. sometimes you just gotta let people go like my mama says. i refused to see that when she first said it, "nonononono mom i cant give up just yet" but now its becoming more clear. with each passing day i realize i know nothing at all. im going to hurl my cell phone at the effin wall. why why why go through this shit? because id do anything to reach that feeling. all just for that feeling... its so addictive...i need my fix and to reach it ya gotta make some sacrifices. jesus christ id do anything to keep that...but its like enoughs enough damnit. wake the fuck up. get that feeling elsewhere. and i can feel it... that knot in my throat does not lie... its still there... everything is and im djkghGOINGCRAZYdfjkghd!!!! just for once... i want to be happy... truely and genuinely... without all this motherfuckinghomo-ness. complete and utter exstacy. but hah thats always asking for too much. ill keep kidding myself as long as you keep playing along :) none of this ever happened... im just fine... lalalalala... shes my hero... thank you for opening my eyes. tough love is the best love and brutal honesty is always appreciated by buc nasty. thanks for keepin it real. and thanks for not treating me like some stupid fucking teenager... because you know im better than that. i hope i make you proud because living a lie is like not living at all right? only one person understands the madness. thanks. so ill speak with half words and you read in between the lines... i want whats mine... and i want it now. ill write the sentences and you try to interpret. theres nothing left. my brains turned to absolute mush and im just waiting for the liquid to ooze out my ears.
-stiner
-stiner