(no subject)
It is very frustrating knowing that no matter what decision you make, you'll end up hurting someone. I don't know why I like him, or why I have been so miserable without him. I realize that there are many good factors about him, factors what would be good for me, but do or don't I care about him? Do I really want what's best for him....or he for me? Or is this all just some obnoxious high school summer love type of deal? I hope not.
I don't want to allow myself to get this attached and chase after something that's not real, not good. There is a real thing just waiting to blossom, but in knowing that I'm chasing after the non promising one, it doesn't want to stick around and see what will come. Maybe it's not so real, then, if he is letting me go so easily, but I care for him like his life depends on it, and maybe it does. I hope not.
My heart says, "I want the quick fix that wont mean anything one day." My head says, "I want something that makes sense and promises to be there for me." Oh you two, stop conflicting and decide. Nothing will every satisfy everyone and everything. I'll always have to make the sacrifice, something I'm so used to doing. I hope not.
I'll just run away. Run far far away from what I want, what I need, what I wont have, and what I lead. This life was not mean for me to make these decisions. I'm supposed to make people happy, keep the peace, not ruin it with my very existence. I know what I want, but there is better for me, I could have something that would actually make sense to have, but my mind seems to have made a decision that all these new facts wont alter. My mind is just too stubborn to allow anything else.
I.Hope.Not.
I don't want to allow myself to get this attached and chase after something that's not real, not good. There is a real thing just waiting to blossom, but in knowing that I'm chasing after the non promising one, it doesn't want to stick around and see what will come. Maybe it's not so real, then, if he is letting me go so easily, but I care for him like his life depends on it, and maybe it does. I hope not.
My heart says, "I want the quick fix that wont mean anything one day." My head says, "I want something that makes sense and promises to be there for me." Oh you two, stop conflicting and decide. Nothing will every satisfy everyone and everything. I'll always have to make the sacrifice, something I'm so used to doing. I hope not.
I'll just run away. Run far far away from what I want, what I need, what I wont have, and what I lead. This life was not mean for me to make these decisions. I'm supposed to make people happy, keep the peace, not ruin it with my very existence. I know what I want, but there is better for me, I could have something that would actually make sense to have, but my mind seems to have made a decision that all these new facts wont alter. My mind is just too stubborn to allow anything else.
I.Hope.Not.