goodbyesanddarts.
It's when you look into his eyes and are afraid to blink because you don't want to miss a moment.
It's when you reach out to hug him one last time, for an
embrace that will have to last the rest of your life.
The emptiness that you feel, and realizing that you never..
You never asked why he always rubbed the scar on his chin when he was nervous - how he got it. What 'thirteen-ohoh' really meant.
Or what he was thinking about when he stared at the ground
with that lopsided smile of his.
He never got to know why you were so offended that one time that he pinkyswore to stop and then didn't, or how you beat yourself up over forgetting his birthday. (Because he thought you just didn't care.) He'll never know that you heard the dreams he whispered when he thought you were asleep. Or that you were in love with the way he crinkled his nose when he was trying not to laugh.
And as he's walking away and your fingertips are beginning to slide out of his hand..and soon you're going to have to let go..your heart stops for a moment. And you can't breathe.
And as you watch him get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, rivers begin to map out new routes on your cheeks and you're not sure if you're even on the road anymore.
But still you drive on, because there's nowhere you want to be but curled up in the safety of your own bed, burying tears into your pillow.
.
Do you still think of me when you hear little girls laughing? You always teased that my laugh was so childlike and reminded you of stars, but these days it only sounds fake and rusty.
I miss you. And I don't know how to find you again.
"seagapokapiste" Always.