haunting
I have never felt like this in my entire life, the only thing I might compare it to is seeing a puppy get hit by a car in 7th grade or like after watching requim for a dream the first time....but 10 times worse. You aren't even a person anymore but in the most literal sense. "I don't even know who you are" has a whole new disgustingly real meaning, no its not even that its like you died but your body is walking around looking more and more sickly everytime I see it, haunting me and making me feel like there's something I could've done because I don't think there is anything I can do now. How do you bring someone back to life? If I can't how do I watch what remains continue to exist until they're physically dead also? I can't fall back on "live and learn", I was warned and I saved myself but I couldnt save you and I almost wish it was the other way around. Everyone wouldn't make such a big deal about this, there wouldn't be laws against it if it wasn't this bad and its worse than you could ever imagine - you were so creative and intelligent, you were a person with thoughts and ideas that no one else will ever have and no one will ever know what they could've created or changed. There are no words for this feeling, I just hope that when you could still feel you knew I cared, I hope I made you happy and I'm sorry it wasn't enough.