(no subject)
I'm tired... I'm ready for winter break to come. For finals to be over and homework to be minimal for a while. I need a break. I'm tired of feeling as though I need to put on a mask for people to convince them that I am okay. If I may be honest...I'm not...I'm trying to get to that point... but right now I'm not. I still think about him all the time. About what we shared and other little things... like how he used to serch for my hand when we walked, how he could always make me smile no matter how bad i felt, and how he would insist that I call him when I got off work...no matter how late that was. And so much more. I now get off work and go home and eat in silence. I walk the halls alone. And I almost constantly feel bad. i want to move on, for him. But it doesn't seem to want to get any better. i was proud of myself, yesterday I didn't call him, or text him, or even see him. But I thought about him all day. Why can't I get over him? There are times when I'm at work that I forget that things are over between us. And I am happy. But once I realize that that isn't the way that things are anymore I feel as though my heart is being broken all over again. He is tired of hearing that I still love him....so I've stopped telling him. He is tired of me wanting to talk to him....so I don't. He is tired of seeing me in a depressed state....I'll avoid him. Right now I realize that he is not going to come back....especially if I keep pushing the way that i do...so what ever he wants, I'll do. I just want him to be happy. Even if I am not.