(no subject)
Okay... so i have been thinking (always bad news)... and I don't know why but i have been in such a funk. I mean, there are plenty of small reasons and stresses that i've been dealing with but they shouldn't put me in such doldrums.
I feel like there are certain aspects of my life that i make into SUCH IMPORTANT THINGS- like a very big deal. And i just thought that I was just that kind of person, that I really just like to have those kinds of things around. But if I really think about it, the things that I make such a big deal out of really arn't important at all. And i think that I use them as a filler, to make up for something else, somethign more. But i don't know what that something is.
I wish i could explain myself better, i really do. Re-reading this, it looks like i am trying to say that i drink or smoke or something to have fun, but that's not what i'm talking about at all!!! I'm just saying I'm constantly trying to fill my time up with all of these fun things so to speak, and when they are not around i'm alot more restless and discontent than i really should be, and i feel like there is something missing that i need to find.
An analogy: a person wants to get drunk. They COULD spend about an hour drinking 8 or so beers, or they could just have a couple shots of tequila and be done with it right away... that really isn't the best analogy but basically i'm trying to figure out what this figurative shot of tequila could be for me...