so today is the day.

[_crackpipe_]

i'm waiting for my mom to get here.
and then we're going to visalia.
i'm picking up my shit.
and then that will be that.

it'll really be over.
forever.

i was a little fucked up last night on my secret stash of meds and i texted him.
so desperate i know.
but one last fuck up.
i said "please be my chicken. i don't want to ever love anyone else but you. your all i can think about."

no response.

i know it's my fault.
i shouldn't have done that.
but some stupid fucked up part of me thought that maybe he'd text me back and tell me how much he loves me and how stupid he was being and he didn't mean it and he misses me and he wants to come back.
wishful thinking.
it never pays.

i had a dream that i was on instant messanger and keith was too and he imed me and we were talking like normal and then all of a sudden he just started saying all these mean things to me and then a webcam window pops up and when it came on it was him and that girl. and they were making out.

i woke up and cried a little bit.
but i didn't want to be sobbing loudly in fear of waking up coco.
so i just sucked it up and went back to bed.

i hurt.
i just can't stop loving him.

lonely and bitter.
it stands for knife, for the rest of my life.