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This type of thing is happening a lot. Someone goes off on a tangent and says "your mommy never bought you [whatever] and now you want to die", and then seem to forget I never mentioned [whatever] in the first place. Then they tell me I'm a piece of shit for killing myself over it. It's like they forget they're the one that mentioned [whatever] in
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Being homeless does suck, quite a bit actually. I was homeless from 1999 to 2001. The summers were okay, even nice at times. It was refreshing to be able to change your scenery whenever you got sick of it. The winters were horrible, though. I had to stay at shelters instead of squatting on abandoned property. I met so many nice people who quickly became my friends, but there were a few older homeless people who were what you'd call "violent drunks".
I also met a girl who I loved very much at the shelter. Let's call her "Beth". She was 19. Her parents told her that unless she conformed to the path they had laid for her, she would be out on her ass. So she gave them the finger and packed up her stuff. Unfortunately, when she was about 21 she grew tired of the lifestyle, and started prostituting herself for money. Of course, I was very against this, but she saw it as the only way to earn enough money to get an apartment before winter. I tried my best to stop her, but Beth never did like to follow other people's advice. I decided to stay with her anyway.
Soon after, she developed a drug problem. She found that heroin helped ease the pain and shame she got from selling herself. She overdosed shortly after that.
Sorry if that sounded like crybaby sobbing. I am also sorry I said what I did, my nerves are a little raw right now.
I can't really prove I'm not a jerk. Sometimes I think I AM a jerk. All I can say is that I have done a lot of things I'm not proud of, but I've also done a few things I am.
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...that is, if any of this were even real and not a prank.
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I don't know, man. You still sound like you've got some fight in you, but here you are on this public "wailing wall". You're tough enough to handle the street, but not enough to handle straight life. I've seen that before. Shit, been it before.
My rage and anger is what pulled me out. Couldn't stand watching motherfuckers enjoying what I didn't have. Still carries me through, even at this late stage in my life.
You've got some rage too. What's it doing right now?
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