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Someone told me that the Christmas tree set up on a large piece of equipment in my town is put up every year by a volunteer. Someone actually climbs to the top in the middle of winter and strings lights around the wire frame. They do this so that everyone in the town can see and enjoy it. I don't know if this is true or not. I'd like to think it is
The comments from those who don't give a shit can be degrading, but at the same time, you have to realize that they are looking for their 10 seconds of fame, and they are probably, deep down, hurting like you are...
Are you reading this, Jerry? Because there are people here, responding to your call, who know where you are - who know what it's like to feel lost. Now, it's your choice to respond to us, or to keep ignoring us, and essentially telling us that you want help, but that we need to fuck ourselves and leave you alone.
Contact me - it's in my user info... Show us that you do care - that there is more than just a shell left in your being. If this is all fake, yeah I'll feel like a dumbass, but that's ok... at least I made the effort to help someone who I thought was in need.
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I also don't want to drag those people down with me by leading them to care on a deeper level than if they do not actually speak with me outside of this journal. I have decided to go through with this, and I am no longer looking for help. The journal only serves as a place for me to write out my last thoughts now. I am deeply sorry to those that do care, but this is the path I've chosen.
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Why are you doing this to yourself when it is so obvious that so many people care?
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Hit the nail on the head
(Don't do it Jerry, there's a lot to live for.)
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dont give up on life, im not christian or anything but there is soo much ahead of you...!
peace.
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It's gotten into a fairly big argument because she thinks you aren't really suicidal, and I don't want to take the chance that you are. I don't really care who's right or wrong on the issue. I hope that you don't do it. I hope that you realize that there are some things in life worth living for. I can't lose what I've already lost in my own life too many times. I'm not going to lose her over this.
I won't be posting again, and I'm keeping this anonymous for personal reasons.
Take care, Jerry. I hope you find the voice you're looking for.
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If she sees what I'm doing as "diminishing the value of her past experiences with suicide", maybe she could explain what kind of "value" she puts on it, and what exactly I'm doing that she feels diminishes it.
Then again, maybe it's best that you don't read this anymore, as I don't wish to be the cause of an argument. If it hurts you both, then turn away. That's what's so great about the internet; everything you view is completely at your own discretion.
Hope everything turns out okay.
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