The Lazy Half-Wit's Guide To "Deconstructing" Works of Fiction
So you wanna be a bigshot writer but can't be bothered to create your own original characters or plotlines? Well my dear boy, then here is the guide for you! You see, my friend, we are living in the "post-modern" age (all of the highier-end periodicals tell me so) and fortunately, one of the features of this age is that the true literary genius does not waste his time creating new things, but instead applies his considerable wit and intellect to picking apart things which already exist!
What's that bucket of hog-piss I hear you saying? "Picking things apart is haaaaard?" Well, have no fear, mon ami, because ever since the first talentless hack ripped-off The Watchmen, these easy steps for half-assed literary deconstructions have been floating around, just waiting to be codefied!
So let us begin:
Step 1: Pick a work of fiction to deconstruct.
It is, of course, easiest (and cheapest) to select some well-known public domain work, but failing that, any old work will do, so long as it is popular. The iconography of Superman, for example, is well-enough known that you can pretty much just file all of the numbers off (metaphorically speaking), call it an "archetype" and have pretty much everyone know what you are talking about. For maximum effect, pick a work well-known for illiciting heartwarming reactions. For our purposes, let us consider Lassie, the classic story of a boy and his dog.
Step 2: Throw in some gratuitous violence, bizzare sexual politics and self-indulgent brooding.
Now, at this point, you're probably wondering how exactly any of this constitutes picking the work in question apart. The short answer is that it doesn't. The long answer is that it doesn't matter because, let's face it, it's not like literary critics are going to know the difference. If you just say it's a deconstruction, their own minds will pretty well fill-in the gaps. Take our Lassie example. Is there any reason that it needs to take place on a farm or whatever? Why couldn't it take place in a cloning factory in a dystopian future. And the kid, Timmy or whatever his name is? Maybe he could be a killer cyborg bred by a sinister genetics corporation, and the dog could be could be a hulking mutant guard beast, specially bred to protect the corporation's investment. Or better yet, maybe he could be a hallucination in the back of Timmy's mind, a memory of the happier days of his youth, back when he was living in his nuclear family on that golden farm. Bonus points if it turns out that this memory never really happened; that his parents had infact been incestuous hillbillies who sold him to the corporation for crack money in order to be mind-raped, mutilated and transformed against his will into a soulless killing machine. Double bonus points if it turns out that these false memories were deliberately planted by the corporation in order to control him.
Where am I going with all of this? Isn't it obvious? I'm going to...
Step 3: Praise and Profit!
You just know that the critics are going to lap this all up. To use the Lassie example I just suggested, one can easily imagine a hoard of critics praising it for its fearless attack upon the myth of America's 1950s Golden Age, propogated by cynical corporations and the military-industrial complex in order to control the working class and turn them into soldiers (literal killing machines). This shit writes itself! And the best part is, I created the whole concept in about five minutes, without ever having seen a Lassie epsiode, just in the hopes of creating the most depressing, violent thing I could think of! It's really quite incredible! Before long, you will have undergraduate students reading your gore-fest as a neccessary part of being considered an intellectual!
So do you want to be hailed as a literary genius? Then what are you waiting for! Get out there and apply these three easy steps...Today!
What's that bucket of hog-piss I hear you saying? "Picking things apart is haaaaard?" Well, have no fear, mon ami, because ever since the first talentless hack ripped-off The Watchmen, these easy steps for half-assed literary deconstructions have been floating around, just waiting to be codefied!
So let us begin:
Step 1: Pick a work of fiction to deconstruct.
It is, of course, easiest (and cheapest) to select some well-known public domain work, but failing that, any old work will do, so long as it is popular. The iconography of Superman, for example, is well-enough known that you can pretty much just file all of the numbers off (metaphorically speaking), call it an "archetype" and have pretty much everyone know what you are talking about. For maximum effect, pick a work well-known for illiciting heartwarming reactions. For our purposes, let us consider Lassie, the classic story of a boy and his dog.
Step 2: Throw in some gratuitous violence, bizzare sexual politics and self-indulgent brooding.
Now, at this point, you're probably wondering how exactly any of this constitutes picking the work in question apart. The short answer is that it doesn't. The long answer is that it doesn't matter because, let's face it, it's not like literary critics are going to know the difference. If you just say it's a deconstruction, their own minds will pretty well fill-in the gaps. Take our Lassie example. Is there any reason that it needs to take place on a farm or whatever? Why couldn't it take place in a cloning factory in a dystopian future. And the kid, Timmy or whatever his name is? Maybe he could be a killer cyborg bred by a sinister genetics corporation, and the dog could be could be a hulking mutant guard beast, specially bred to protect the corporation's investment. Or better yet, maybe he could be a hallucination in the back of Timmy's mind, a memory of the happier days of his youth, back when he was living in his nuclear family on that golden farm. Bonus points if it turns out that this memory never really happened; that his parents had infact been incestuous hillbillies who sold him to the corporation for crack money in order to be mind-raped, mutilated and transformed against his will into a soulless killing machine. Double bonus points if it turns out that these false memories were deliberately planted by the corporation in order to control him.
Where am I going with all of this? Isn't it obvious? I'm going to...
Step 3: Praise and Profit!
You just know that the critics are going to lap this all up. To use the Lassie example I just suggested, one can easily imagine a hoard of critics praising it for its fearless attack upon the myth of America's 1950s Golden Age, propogated by cynical corporations and the military-industrial complex in order to control the working class and turn them into soldiers (literal killing machines). This shit writes itself! And the best part is, I created the whole concept in about five minutes, without ever having seen a Lassie epsiode, just in the hopes of creating the most depressing, violent thing I could think of! It's really quite incredible! Before long, you will have undergraduate students reading your gore-fest as a neccessary part of being considered an intellectual!
So do you want to be hailed as a literary genius? Then what are you waiting for! Get out there and apply these three easy steps...Today!