(no subject)
a couple of times over the past few weeks i've become fascinated by the sideview mirrors of cars. cars i'm riding in or driving, to be more specific.
coincidence or not, i've also been thinking about the past a lot. there's something about this time of year that just screams 'reflection' to me. i suppose it's ingrained in me from 17 years of school in which the end of a year always signified the beginning of something new and the chance to look back on what has been accomplished (or not accomplished, as the case may have been) the previous school year. and following college there were two years of americorps, where this system of reflecting on accomplishment and growth was intensified by a million. and i despised it. but it seems i can't escape it.
since the completion of my americorps terms (so for approximately one year) i've been working at big brothers big sisters of central arkansas. it's a real job. there's health insurance & set hours & casual friday & my name on a wipe board that indicates whether i'm in or out of the office. and for the most part it's nice. it's not perfect, but i work with good people and in general it's pretty rewarding. but i'm worried it's not enough. lately the frustrations have been outweighing the rewards.
which leads me back to the reflection thing. the whole point of that every year was mostly because there was also something to new look forward to. this year there is nothing new. real jobs don't just end after a year. and for someone who fears change as much as i do, that should be a relief. but i wonder if i'll always find myself looking forward at what else is out there. is this just part of being a "grown up," perhaps?
my current "looking forward" plan is as follows: i will submit my application to the peacecorps as soon as i can motivate myself to finish the essays. my roommate and i just resigned our lease, making this the first time in 7 some odd years that i haven't had to move after just one year of living somewhere. that also makes this apartment my second-most permanent home, next to my parents' house. so in june of aught nine i will move all my earthly possessions back to said parents' house. i will take some "time off" to travel and spend time with family. i will depart for where ever (hopefully central or south america) some time around august of aught nine. i will spend two and one quarter years serving and (presumably) satisfying my wanderlust. i will return to ohio where i will proceed to search for gainful employment.
the end.
coincidence or not, i've also been thinking about the past a lot. there's something about this time of year that just screams 'reflection' to me. i suppose it's ingrained in me from 17 years of school in which the end of a year always signified the beginning of something new and the chance to look back on what has been accomplished (or not accomplished, as the case may have been) the previous school year. and following college there were two years of americorps, where this system of reflecting on accomplishment and growth was intensified by a million. and i despised it. but it seems i can't escape it.
since the completion of my americorps terms (so for approximately one year) i've been working at big brothers big sisters of central arkansas. it's a real job. there's health insurance & set hours & casual friday & my name on a wipe board that indicates whether i'm in or out of the office. and for the most part it's nice. it's not perfect, but i work with good people and in general it's pretty rewarding. but i'm worried it's not enough. lately the frustrations have been outweighing the rewards.
which leads me back to the reflection thing. the whole point of that every year was mostly because there was also something to new look forward to. this year there is nothing new. real jobs don't just end after a year. and for someone who fears change as much as i do, that should be a relief. but i wonder if i'll always find myself looking forward at what else is out there. is this just part of being a "grown up," perhaps?
my current "looking forward" plan is as follows: i will submit my application to the peacecorps as soon as i can motivate myself to finish the essays. my roommate and i just resigned our lease, making this the first time in 7 some odd years that i haven't had to move after just one year of living somewhere. that also makes this apartment my second-most permanent home, next to my parents' house. so in june of aught nine i will move all my earthly possessions back to said parents' house. i will take some "time off" to travel and spend time with family. i will depart for where ever (hopefully central or south america) some time around august of aught nine. i will spend two and one quarter years serving and (presumably) satisfying my wanderlust. i will return to ohio where i will proceed to search for gainful employment.
the end.