i wroted a story. read it?
It was obvious, no one really wanted to hang out with me. No one wanted to call , or come to my parties. I was alone, this time it wasn't because I didn't have a love. I didn't have another person, not even a friend. I thought this through, I thought it well. I've spent so many of my days talking to people I never met. Exspecially in a far distance. I was young, I wanted to talk. This boy, I have been talking to him since forever. Atleast from the farthest I can remember. I've grew into an obsession over him. I really wish he would have known just how much I loved and slaughtered myself over him. He was true beauty. He may not have been the tall skinny guy that I always wanted to be with, but he sure did know just how to me smile. Well backing things up a bit. I have been thinking for quite some time to save up loads of money, and just take a bus to Santa Clara , California. That is where he lived. I had closer friends else where. I was foolish enough to think that things would actually work out down there, knowing only maybe 4 or 5 people.
Dixon was true. He knew how to stay clean, he wasn't as perverted as other guys. After I figured out he liked me just as much as I liked him.. I decided to take that bus. With a 1000$ in my pocket, I thought I'd be able to survive.The way there was long. As each hour passed I kept wondering to myself, 'should I really be doing this?'. I was scared and frightened of what path lead ahead of me. I slept for atleast 6 hours, and had 6 hours of drive awake. I stared endlessly out the window at nothing, but everything. And when it got dark, I looked at the stars, felt like I was looking at each and every single one of them, and for each of those stars, a new thought came into my head. I was contemplating everything. I was weighing out the pros and cons, and in the end the goods weighed more. I was defenitly confident after 30 miles until drop off. It didn't strike me that all the goods are going to happen, and that all the bads weren't going to happen. I thought of it as , Only the things I want to happen, will happen. I'm thirteen. I wasn't going to be with dixon for the rest of my life, I thought of that at the last minute. It brought back many memories, memories of ex boyfriends.Exspecially this one quote he left me.. That quote killed me, because it was true. It has been sketched every , it always came back and hit me. I dont know why it hasnt gone through my head through the whole bus ride to Santa Clara. "okay...lets hug and ill smile..but im going to crush you pretty soon..." It killed me to think..This might happened. I was already at the place Dixon said he'll pick me up at. For the first time I was going to see someone I loved. I was quivering, but when I saw him chills hit my knees and I couldn't speak straight. The first time I saw him was my life opened. Like it restarted from the start again, my life...rewounded and begun.
His parents were nice enough to let me stay with him for as long as it takes. I stayed there for 2 months, and for that two months me and Dixon were still going out. School was hectic, For a while people called me the new girl. I took that in, Because I used to call people the "new" boy/girl. People disliked Dixon for a while, we spent most our days with eachother, and no one else. It felt like we were both trapped in a room, together. That was all that mattered to me, I barely knew anyone. We went to diffrent schools, I didn't know his friends, he didn't know mine. I had no time for homework, or friends, or living my life of my own. I wanted to continue being with him, hand in hand, on beaches, car rides , on a couch, just being able to see such magnifacents. It felt like perfection, like there was nothing to be worried about. One day seemed like forever, but this forever ended at night. It was a good thing that we lived with eachother, cause 5 minutes not being in eachothers presents was a 5 minute fire to the heart, and burning is one of the most painful things you could ever experiance. His parents gave us two diffrent rooms, but at 11:30PM we snuck and slept side by side, with his arms over my body. I always wondered if my parents would ever come to look for me, If they'd ever did care. It always tangled me up inside why I wasnt on fliers, I told them I'll be in Santa Clara , where I thought I can be happier. Maybe they just didn't care.
After a while, Dixons parents got fed up with me living with them, and ending up in the same bed as him. They thought we were doing things that most children our age shouldn't be doing. It was false, We've kissed, but we've never gone any further. We were too afraid to love eachother anymore than we did. I was now living with one of my bestfriends Donnie. He used to live in bremerton , WA with me. We were the closest, still are. It was always weird because we both had crushes on eachother. We bonded like no other. We were close, we were bestfriends.. We grew up with the same opinions, and fell into the same interests. The thought of me and Donnie being this close upsetted Dixon. Exspecially since now.. We didn't see eachother as much. And when he did see me, I was with Donnie. And now everywhere I went, I brought my bestfriend along. There was no more couple romance. It was the three of us, always. That was how it was going to be, I wasn't going to ditch Donnie, exspecially since I figured out I loved him just as much as I loved dixon, and that was strong.
I left it at that, and I told dixon, and I told donnie. That is what I did wrong, I mest up everything. Even my life, my life between my two bestfriends, and the two people I know. If I choose one, I'd break the other. I dont want to end a life, i dont want to hurt anyone... The way my mind worked, it was the worst.. I could've believe I was stuck in this rut. I could have died just there... But I chose Donnie.